The Death of Johnny
by julysunicorn
Summary: (Sims 2) a teenage girl moves to Strangetown following the loss of one of its residents and becomes friends with the Smith family. Complete!
1. Chapter 1: new home

hi guys! :D so this is something new, but not actually: this is a story i wrote a long time ago 2007 to be exact) and i always wanted to publish it but was too shy. well my brother convinced me to finally go for it. THANKS BIG BRO! he was always the one to encourage me in my writing so i dedicate this story to him. :D ive cleaned it up a little but there might still be typos i missed. just reading this again is making me all nostalgic i should see if i still have my old discs. enjoy!

THE DEATH OF JOHNNY

"come on, Johnny!" P.T. cried at his sons' bedside. "you can do it! just stay with us!"

Johnny's vision was too blurry to even make out any of his family's features. all he could do was listen to them crying. but maybe... there was something else he could do.

"Mom... Dad... Jill..." he struggled.

"we're here for you, Johnny," his mother said through her weeping. "except Jill, we told her to go to the waiting room."

"I... I'm not gonna make it..." Johnny wheezed "please... I need... I need to know... about..."

and then... Johnny flatlined.

* * *

hi. my name is Caitlyn Pridemore. I have long blond hair and big blue eyes. I also have a tiny, slightly upturned nose and a heart-shaped face. everyone at school says im cute, but I am always too shy to listen. thankfully they are all really nice and never notice. I am 16 years old and I live in downtown Pleasantview... or, at least, I did.

my dad is a very wealthy business man and we've lived in our mansion on the west side of the city my entire life. but Dad is very kind and generous despite owning tons and tons of money, so on my last birthday (my sixteenth birthday) he sold our house and donated most of the profit to charity. then we bought a house in Strangetown, our parents wanted to teach us not to be snobs just because we had money.

today we are settling in at our new home, at 38 Road to Nowhere. I stood still as the taxi sped away from this desert place. in my mom's arms was my toddler brother Astral

"mama!" he said.

"yes, Astral," Mom said "it is a nice house isn't it"

so we went inside. it was cold, someone forgot to turn on the heating. but soon it was on and we opened up the windows to let the scorching desert warmth indoors. I went upstairs and went to my room.

"this must be my room" I said there was a letter on the door that said "hello Caitlyn, this is your room. we hope you like it. please call us if you ever need anything! best regards, the real estate company."

"ugh" I grumbled. I didn't like being called Caitlyn. I've always preferred Cait. but maybe they didnt know that.

i stepped inside. the walls were painted pink, my favorite shade of pink, and there was a pretty white canopy ofer my bed. the same material was around the windows as drapery. there was a white desk with a laptop on it and i had a closet and the floor was wood.

"well, at least it doesn't make my eyes vomit," I thought and sat down on my new bed. it was really comfy and i decided to take a nap. meanwhile the movers put all my clothes away and the clothes of my family members in their own rooms.

when i woke up i smelled something delicious. I walked downstairs but nearly tripped because i was still shaking off sleep. dowsntairs at the dining room table my family was dinnering. there was a big white box shaped like a square and a couple inches high in the middle of the table with a picture of something i didn't know.

"did you have a good nap honey?" asked Mom.

"uh, yeah," i said, yawning. "whats that on the table?"

"this is dinner!" Dad said proudly as if he'd hunted it himself. for all I knew that may have been the case.

"... what is it?" I asked.

"pizza!" he said and opened the box happily. inside was a round doughy thing that looked like flat bread, covered in cheese and what looked like tomato sauce. big round red things were scattered across it.

"eww!" i said. "is it sick or something?!"

"no!" Dad said and I sat down and he handed me a triangle shaped piece. "that's called pepperoni! it's sliced spiced sausage!" he smiled.

i looked nervously down at the triangle in my hands. i had never had... _pizzar_ before. Astral and I had been raised on a fancy diet since birth, served by staff and I even had a wet nurse. i didnt want to seem stuck up though or anything and the pizza smelled heavenly so I took the tiniest of tiny bites. immediately my eyes lit up.

"OMG DAD THIS IS AMAZING!" I said before taking another bite.

"i'm glad you like it!" he said before taking a bite out of his own slice. "... reminds me of my childhood..."

"what?"

there was a tear in Dad's eye, but he sucked it back into his tear duct. "oh, uh, nothing, honey. perhaps I'll tell you... someday..."

we ate dinner and Astral wanted some too so we threw a slice in the blender for him. however it turned out to be too much for the stomach of a three year old and he threw up all over Dad when he tossed him in the air after dinner. but in the end, we all laughed.

maybe this new place wouldn't be so bad after all.


	2. Chapter 2: the new neighbors

hello again everyone! another chapter for you since the story's already done I just needed to fix capitalization and spelling and stuff. also AAHH THIS GOT ADDED TO A COMMUNITY?! i feel so honored! thank you thank you thank you! i checked it out it's a list of strangetown-based sims stories, they all look pretty cool and even the person who founded it has some neat stories too, why not check it out? you have no idea how much i'm beaming, thank you so much again community founder. as for the update schedule for this like i said everything's here, so i might be able to do a chapter a day, maybe, depending on my schedule. but I hope you enjoy this chapter! :D

chapter 2: the new neighbors

i woke up early the next day, even though i didn't have school because it was summer. i woke up early so i could go meet the new neighbors.

I went downstairs and saw a bunch of strangers sitting in the living room with my parents. "uh, hi," I said, "who are you and why are you all in my new house?"

"Cait," said Mom "these are our new neighbors!"

I stood there shocked. then I looked down at myself. I was a wreck! I hadn't brushed my hair and was still in my pajamas.

"uh... give me a sec" I said and raced back upstairs to do my morning routine. after five minutes i came back downstairs and sat down with everyone. "my apologies for my appearance, I didn't know we were expecting company."

everyone looked at me weirdly, then Dad explained we were from the city. then they understood. "this is Lazlo, Vidcund, and my name is Pascal," said Pascal.

"it is wonderful to meet you brothers" said Mom.

a gruff man grunted with his arms folded and said, "and I'm General Buzz Grunt, I run this town," he said.

"oh cool," I said. "are you like the mayor or stuff?"

"I am better than the mayor" he said "I am a four star general! I can make a citizen's arrest though."

"oh that's so cool!" I said happily. "I've always wanted to become a police officer.

General Grunt blushed. I guessed that he didn't have many daughters back home.

there was also two scary, shifty scientists, a married couple named Loki and Circe. they said they had a son but he was at home taking care of a roach infestation. i got scared, was this town filled with roaches? then General Grunt saw my concern and said "don't worry young lady, this town is quite healthy. except we had a teenager about your age die only a week ago."

my parents and I jumped. "what?!" they said.

"tragic, indeed," General Grunt said, straightening his tie before clearing his throat. "it was the son of those pesky Smiths. though I guess I should be nicer to them after this. their son Johnny died of influenza... a week ago exactly the day you moved in. that's why they didn't come. they are in mourning."

"how awful," Mom said. "I cannot imagine losing a child..."

"where do they live, Sir?" I asked batting my eyelashes to appear cuter so he would tell me.

sure enough it got him and he stuttered "oh, they live in that yellow house up the road, the only one with a lawn."

"okay thank you mister."

I went into the kitchen and poured some trix for myself. as I ate I baked a batch of blueberry muffins (the movers had also brought in everything in our pantry and fridge so we didn't have to go grocery shopping). when they were done I brushed my teeth and took the muffins over to the Smith house.

sure enough it was extremely easy to spot even from my new front door. I wondered how on Earth I could've missed it before. I walked over but stopped at the white picket gate.

"is this wrong...?" I thought. "well... I just want to make them feel better. if they get offended they can just tell me to leave." I unlatched the gate and walked up the pretty cement walkway up to the house. it was a very pretty house and a lovely yellow color, and the siding was clean and clear of algae, and it reminded me of my own old house. I sniffed and controlled myself then I rang the doorbell.

no one answered so I tried again after five minutes. still no one came to the door. I rang it two more two more times over ten minutes and finally a middle-aged but very youthful-looking woman answered the door.

"h-hello?" she asked, sniffling. she was blotting her eye with a tissue and looked like she had been crying for hours. she was wearing a black dress that came down to her ankles and black lace gloves, and a black beret with a veil on it and a feather that was pinned to the side.

"um, hello, ma'am," I said, holding out the muffin tray. "my name is Cait Pridemore, I just moved in down the street. I baked these for you to say hello to our new neighbors."

the woman looked at the muffins and smiled, taking the tray into her elegant hands. "thank you very much, young lady. would you like to come in?"

I curtsied and walked inside. it was a really nice little home. they had a yellow carpet and their living, dining room, and kitchen were all one big room. there was a phone on the wall.

"nice place you have here," I said, trying to be polite.

"thank you." said the woman. "oh, how rude of me! you told me your name, but i haven't introduced myself yet. I'm Jenny Smith."

"wonderful to meet you, Mrs. Smith"

we shook hands and she asked if I would like a snack. it wouldve been impolite not to so I said yes please. soon we were sitting down at the dining table having some cookies and milk.

"oh wow," I said, biting a cookie. "did you bake these yourself, Mrs. Smith?"

"mmhmm," she said, smiling. "chocolate chip. I've used this recipe hundreds of times. it's the favorite of my..."

she trailed off, her eyes beginning to fill with tears. I realized then... this was that boy Johnny's mom.

"o-oh no," I said, waving my hands to calm her down. "I'm so sorry, Mrs. Smith... I heard that your son, um, passed away last week, and I wanted to try and make things a little better for you... I had no idea you were his mom."

"yes" she said, then broke down into sobs. "my precious little boy is gone..."

"Jenny?!" cried a voice from the other side of the house. an elderly man ran out of the door and to Jenny, and he comforted her. he was wearing a black suit, shirt, and tie, and I could hardly see the shirt or tie because they all blended together. but I did see something else.

this man had green skin.

"o-oh my gosh?!" I said, startled.

the man looked at me, enraged. "what did you do to my wife?! can't you see she's upset?"

"no, no, P.T.," said Jenny, looking up at him,tears streaming down her cheeks. "we just got to talking about... Johnny."

P.T. immediately looked embarrassed and apologized for jumping to conclusions. I was a guest in their house so I said it was okay. but I also asked, "um, pardon me, sir, but your skin is green."

confused, he looked at himself, then let out a hearty chuckle. "oh, it's green because I'm an alien, Miss Pridemore!"

"... alien?" I'd never heard the word before. "is that a country somewhere?"

"no," Jenny said, smiling. "it means he's from outer space."

"wow! really?"

"you bet your sweet bippy, kiddo!" P.T. said, winking at me.

"I've never met an alien before," I said.

"I can tell."

P.T. sat down with us and had one of the muffins I baked. he said they were out of this world and I didn't get the joke at first but soon did and we all laughed. then P.T. started crying out of the blue. (or out of the green.)

"um, Mr. Smith?" I said. "is something wrong?"

"sniff... our son's skin looked just like mine," he whimpered, looking at his own arm.

"I heard he passed away the week before my family moved in," I said softly.

"we're sorry, we didn't notice you move in," said Jenny. "we were preoccupied."

"that's okay, you have a lot on your plate." I looked at both of them. "I heard he passed from influenza."

"... yes." P.T. said sadly.

"are roaches a big problem in this neighborhood?" I asked. "I'm not worried because they're icky or anything I'm not that kind of girl but I don't want to get sick like your son did."

"not usually," said P.T. "I actually can't remember the last time I saw a cockroach around these parts."

"I bet it's got something to do with those awful Loki and Circe Beaker," hissed Jenny.

"my other new neighbors?" I asked.

"yes. they're a physicist and biochemist respectively but weird stuff is always going down at their dungeon-like house," explained P.T..

"hm, that is very strange..." I waited to draw out the moment. "... town."

the couple got the joke and laughed. "but seriously, stay away from those two, Miss Pridemore. I'm afraid if you ever set foot on their property, you'd never be seen again." P.T. warned.

"I'll be careful," I said, getting up from the table. I thanked them for their hospitality and they said I could come by any time I liked. I said that was very nice of them and that I would be over again tomorrow.

I left and on the way home I bumped into someone. it was a guy a little older than I was, wearing a gray hoodie so I couldn't see his face.

"oh! oops, I'm sorry!" I said.

"sorry," he said hushed from under the hood, then hurried past me, almost hunched over.

"huh," I wondered, "that guy seemed really strange. I wonder who he is?"


	3. Chapter 3: Nervous

chapter 3: nervous

the older teen stepped out of the home improvement store and made sure his gray hoodie was securely around his long, crescent-shaped head. then he made a beeline for his house. unfortunately, he was moving so quickly and was so preoccupied he bumped right into a girl on the sidewalk.

"hey! watch were you're going!" she snapped.

"sorry" he whispered, before dashing around her and back home. after reaching his dungeon house he shut the front door and fell back against it, sighing. except their house didn't have a front door, so he just collapsed against the wall next to the entryway.

"ugh, I'm so stupid!" he punished himself under his breath as he pulled back his hood, releasing his tall black mohawk.

Petey Specter, now known by the cruel nickname Nervous Subject, pulled a bottle of roach food out of the bag. sighing, he went downstairs to the many tanks that housed his adoptive parents, Loki and Circe's, stock of cockroaches.

"eat up, you little pieces of shit," he said, spraying them.

after doing that he took a nap on his bed which was in the same room. which meant he had to listen to the awful insects every time he went to sleep. he couldn't sleep this time though because they were making too much noise so he decided to make a sandwich instead.

"ugh, maybe I can make a club or something and fall asleep on it when I try to eat it," he figured.

so he went upstairs to the kitchen. he got the loaf of bread out of the breadkeeper and was so excited to finally be able to feed himself without his parents yelling at him (they had him on a strict diet for testing and would only feed him plain oatmeal and eggs) but when he opened the fridge, dozens of roaches hopped out and scurried across the floor! Nervous screamed in anger.

"i hate these things! they're so gross!" he said, then got on his hazmat suit and squashed them all so he wouldn't get sick. he couldn't call the exterminator, even though it would've been the smartest thing to do. no, he was forbidden from doing so, considering...

after getting the roaches cleaned up he went to continue making that sandwich but Loki and Circe came back home. "NERVOUS!" Circe yelled. "GET OUT OF THE KITCHEN, DON'T YOU DARE EAT A THING!"

Petey whimpered but backed away to avoid getting thrown in the auto-electocutor again.

Loki hit Petey upside the head with a frying pan to knock him out, then threw him back in his room/dungeon. but little did he know Petey was still awake, just paralyzed.

"that little Pridemore brat is really annoying," said Circe.

"who, the toddler?" Loki asked for clarification.

"no, the girl, Katie or something..." Circe wrinkled her nose. "she's trouble, I just know it. and why did she leave in the middle of the visit?"

"probably out to the mall or something, you know how teenage girls are."

"when I was a teenager, I didn't waste my time at the mall. I picked up roadkill off the street with my bare hands to stitch into blankets."

Loki smiled at his now wife. "Oh, babe, you're so unconventional."

Circe grabbed his beefy face. "you better know it, you Scandinavian mad scientist."

they squeezed then pecked then made out, then they went to their room to make woohoo. Nervous cried from his bed. no one had ever wanted to make woohoo with him before. he had a girlfriend once who said he was ugly and that his hair made him look like a tryhard. he tried to explain it was just like that from all the electrocution but she wouldn't listen and dumped him at the school dance last year. since then he'd cried himself to sleep every night thinking that no one would ever love him.

"hoopla-na!" he heard Loki say from his parents' room.

he cried and hugged his soccer ball close to his chest. he wished there was a way to get away from here, but Loki and Circe would certainly report him missing and the cops always hauled runaway teens back home and never listened to them about why they left in the first place. he would be brought back here faster than a fat man downs sausages at an eating competition. and Petey was no fat man. he was a skinny bloke and would be crushed into beef cubes by the strong arm of the law. he still dreamed of being a police officer someday though to help teens just like him.

Petey sighed. he tried to take a nap, but the unearthly sounds coming from his parents' room echoed around the house and the sonic waves even forced him out of bed. grumbling, he decided to go on his computer. at least in the online chat rooms, he could pretend to be a normal teenager.

whatever that was supposed to mean.


	4. Chapter 4: Being a Teenager

hey guys just want to warn you I'm keeping what I wrote originally word for word, but when I was a kid I wasn't really smart online and this chapter has Cait talking online with strangers and I just want to say DO NOT DO WHAT SHE DOES! ALWAYS BE CAREFUL WHEN TALKING ONLINE YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHO IT COULD BE! okay just wanted to get that out there. :c stay safe online everybody. also WARNING this chapter contains spoilers for the Star Wars prequels.

chapter 4: being a teenager

I laid in bed with my ipod listening to eiffel 65's "I'm Blue". I didn't understand why life had to be so hard. I mean, it wasn't really hard at the moment, it was actually quite nice really, but I was sure it would turn bad soon. that's just how things are when you're a teen.

I sighed. life used to be so much simpler. I could just go outside and play with my friends in the city. but now I had left them all behind, and couldn't remember their phone numbers or their street addresses so I could never contact them again. well, I might be able to find them in the online chatrooms we used to use, but I couldn't remember their screen names either.

"well, maybe I will remember if I look?" I said out loud to help remember.

I got out of bed and went to my laptop and pulled up simland. it's an online game and chatroom where you breed and sell horses and talk to people. all my horses had been taken away by animal control because i hadn't logged on in forever to feed them. I felt really bad about this, I cried and cried and checked the auction house to see if they were still there, thankfully one of my ponies was there, a palomino I'd named Frisky. I bought Frisky back (I had enough dollars because I had been saving up for a new outfit) and went out into the forest. I could tell Frisky was happy to see me again and I promised her a relaxing spa (grooming) treatment when we got back to the barn.

there were about a dozen people here all talking amongst themselves, but I didn't recognize anyone. or the horses.

"um hello? I am trying to find my friends?" I typed into the chat. no one responded, my friends probably couldn't tell that it was me. "um excuse me? I just moved and I can't remember how to contact my friends, I am trying to find them?" still no answer. they must have needed to know who I was. "hey guys, it's me Caitlyn Pridemore, I used to live at 22 Mendoza Lane, downtown Pleasantview. I am 16 years old and I was born on september 9th, 1991. I now live at 38 Road to Nowhere in Strangetown. if any of you recognize my name, please write me! or visit! I forgot you guys' numbers and stuff! thanx!"

the others said they would let me know if they met my friends. I thanked them and logged off. but before I did a guy messaged me. a shiver ran up my spine but I couldn't tell why. I looked at his message.

"uh hi, are u the 1 who said u live 38 road 2 nowhere?" his screen name was nervous129.

"y" I typed.

"cool" he said. "i actually live nearby!"

"o rly?!" i responded. "where do u live?"

"uh nearby" he said "i don't rly feel comfortable giving away my address"

"o ok i understand" I said. "i feel the same way i just rly wanted to find my friends that's all."

"yeah, i can't even imagine wat u must be going thru..."

"don't u have any friends who live miles away from u?"

"well... i don't have any friends at all."

"WAT?! how could u not have any friends?!"

"i don't leave the house that much"

"u seem relly nice... i wouldn't mind being ur friend 3"

"rly?!"

"yeah!"

"o that is so nice of u!" he said and I could tell he meant it. "but i don't think you can visit me in person, my parents are kind of... scary"

"that's ok!" I said. "u can come to my house instead!"

"o cool!"

"let me just ask my parentz"

I got off the computer and ran to the living room where my parents were watching Jeopardy!. "Mom? Dad? I just met some guy online, it turns out he lives nearby, I want to be his friend but he says I can't come to his house, can I invite him to ours instead?"

"no." stated Mom.

"oh, why not?" I asked.

"well, how do you know this guy is safe? he might be dangerous!" worried Mom.

"now now dear," Dad said, "I think that if he was dangerous, he would want Cait to come to his house, instead. I think it's fine! after all, Cait needs to make some new friends around here!"

"... you're a total idiot." said Mom (this was what my Mom said she would say to someone who said what Cait's Dad said AND SHE IS RIGHT!) and I cried because I don't like to see my parents fight.

"honey, go tell your new friend he is welcome here anytime!" said Dad.

"wee! thanks, Dad!" I said and ran upstairs. Mom was still very upset and slapped Dad. but then Dad gave her a bouquet of roses and she calmed down, then they made out on the sofa, then they did woohoo in the fireplace.

I sat at my computer. "ok! i asked and they said it was fine!"

but then I saw he had logged out while I was downstairs. "huh, maybe his computer shut down?" so I waited by my laptop for two hours, waiting for him to log back on... but he never did.

I sighed. nobody wanted to be my friend in this rat's nest of a town. upset, I went downstairs (my parents had already gone to bed if you know what I mean) so I sat down and turned on the TV. Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith was on and I didn't get the chance to see it in the theater so I watched it here. but I muted all of Jar Jar's lines. (from the author: my history professor is a big fan of Star Wars but absolutely positively HATES Jar Jar Binks. I don't really know why? I mean it's just a movie character... no need to get so fired up about it... one time he gave a clasmate of mine a demerit just because he didn't agree that Jar Jar is the worst Star Wars character to ever exist. he hates the elephant guy who owned Anakin's Mom (WTH?!) more, and I can agree with him on that. but at least none of them look like Nute Gunray, who looks like a pizza gone bad and come to life.)

Darth Vader started screaming because he thought he'd killed Padme. obviously he didn't, but he was too stupid to understand.

"it's all your fault, you dumbass!" i shouted at the TV and threw a handful of buttered popcorn at the screen. "you were so worried about her dying, you caused her death in the end! you couldn't even keep a goldfish alive!"

(Anakin is truly the worst character of the entirety of Star Wars. he is absent-minded and gullible, instead of just finding a better OBGYN or keeping a closer eye on Padme, he actually fell for Senator Palpatine's trick of turning to the dark side! he probably just wanted to become a Sith and needed an excuse otherwise he'd feel guilty! ugh I hate him so much. do any of you remember that series Cartoon Network had of Star Wars, the CGI one? UGH WHY DID ANAKIN HAVE TO BE THE MAIN CHARACTER?! AND WHY DID HIS APPRENTICE HAVE TO BE A MARY SUE? Anakin is worse than Jar Jar in my opinion. I just hope my professor doesn't find out I'm writing this or else he might get me expelled or something smh)

I screamed at the top of my lungs. there were now streaks of butter rapidly drying across the TV screen. Astral began crying upstairs - I woke him up.

"CAITLYN!" Mom screamed "DON'T SCREAM IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT UNLESS THERE'S A BURGLAR IN THE HOUSE!"

"SHUT UP, MOM!" I said. "YOU'RE NOT THE BOSS OF ME!"

"ALRIGHT THEN," Mom said, "YOU CAN FIND SOMEWHERE ELSE TO SLEEP TONIGHT!"

"fudge" I said, kicking at the carpet.

just then my cellphone rang. "Pridemore residence, Cait speaking."

"Cait? is that you?" asked Jenny Smith.

"oh hi Mrs. Smith!" I said. "what can I do for you?"

"I was actually calling to ask, would you like to stay over at our house tonight?"

"really?" I asked. this would work out perfectly!" "sure! thank you so much! let me just get a bag packed and I'll be right over."

"we'll be waiting!"

I hung up and ran upstairs. after throwing on my nightgown and packing my toiletrees i ran back to the front door.

"bye Mom and Dad I'm staying at the neighbors' tonight!" I called.

"okay, have fun! don't catch cold, love you!" called Mom.

"love you too!" I said and walked out the door with a smile on my face.


	5. Chapter 5: Sleepover at the Smith's

Chapter 5: Sleepover at the Smith's

I ran over to the Smith house and rang the doorbell. Jenny answered and opened the front door to see me.

"Hi there, Cait!" she said. "I am glad to see you could make it!"

"likewise!" I said and went inside but not before wiping my feet.

something smelled really good inside. "something smells really good in here," I said

"that is the venison I'm cooking for dinner!" Jenny said proudly.

"it smells really good!"

"thank you!"

Jenny led me to the spare room upstairs and asked me why I was staying over. I didn't have the heart to remind her that she was the one who asked me after all her family was still grieving so they had a lot on their minds so I just rolled with it. "I woke up my brother and got into a fight with my mom over Anakin Skywalker."

"... oh, that's not good."

"it's okay, we fight like that all the time. we have very strong opinions on Star Wars."

"we have strong opinions on baseball here, ourselves," Jenny said as she opened the door to the spare room. it was small, but very cozy. the bed was just a bare mattress though, but Jenny got some linens from the linen closet and made it up all nice and comfy like for me. after shee went dowsnatirs and got back to cooking dinner, when I was done settling in I realized I had to use the bathroom, and but was faced with three doors and had no idea which one led to precious porcelain salvation. I played eenie-meenie-minie-mo and picked the one in the middle, on the other side of the stairs.

there was weeping coming from the other side but I didn't hear it until I opened the door. I jumped. it was a bedroom... a boys' bedroom. sitting on the bed and crying onto a photo frame was P.T.

"GO AWAY!" he shouted after he saw me in the doorway.

"I'm sorry, I thought this was the bathroom!" I said, I felt very bad for invading his privacy. I could only hope that he would forgive me.

"oh, it's you, Cait," he said, wiping a tear from his eye. "I'm sorry, I didn't know you were over for dinner."

"yeah, it just sort of came up, but I feel very honored to be here"

"would you like to sit with me for a minute?"

"sure?"

I wasn't quite sure why he asked me to sit with him but he was old and sad and I pitied him. also he was my new neighbor so I had to be nice, otherwise he would complain to my parents and they would take away my TV privileges again. so I sat down next to him and took a peek at the photo in his hands. it was dotted with water drops which I soon figured out were tears, but through them I could just barely make out a photo of a teenage boy with green skin like P.T.'s and blond hair and green eyes like Jenny's, wearing a baseball uniform. P.T. was with him and they both looked really happy and P.T.'s hand was on the boy's shoulder.

"is that your son?" I asked.

"yes," said P.T., and he began crying again. "that's my beautiful Johnny."

"he's really cute," I said. my turn-ons were blond hair and muscles and he had both, so I swooned and fanned myself.

"he had that effect on all the girls," P.T. said and laughed. "he had a girlfriend, Ophelia Nigmos, but I haven't seen much of her since the f-funeral." he looked at me, but he looked kind of confused. "... you know, you look a lot like him, except you have blue eyes."

Jenny called us down to dinner and P.T. lovingly set the photo back on the dresser. the tears ran off it and onto the dresser which was sure to warp the wood but he was too upset to do anything about it. we sat down at the table and there was a little girl with blond pigtails sitting there.

"Mom, why is there a girl who looks like Johnny here? is she his ghost?" she asked.

Jenny jumped. "Jill!"

"I am sorry, kiddo," I said, "I am indeed not the spirit of your dearly departed brother, but your new neighbor. also why does everyone keep saying I look like Johnny?"

P.T. and Kenny exchanged glances but continued with dinner. "I hope you like deer," Jenny said happily as the threw a slab of meat onto my plate.

"whoa!" I said. "I didn't know deer grew this big!"

"out here, they do," said P.T.. "it's the laboratories and radiation that makes them grow giant and meaty."

"hmm, I have never had venison before, does it taste good?" I asked. "does it need barbecue sauce?"

"we think it tastes good," Jill said "so we have it all the time, Papa's a really good hunter. try it, if you don't like it we can get take out or something"

I cut a small piece and ate it. it tasted... really good! "oh wow! your cooking is excellent Mrs. Smith!"

"why thank you, Cait! I'm glad you like it!" Jenny said and she was beaming. "I decided to make a fancier dish tonight for your visit, considering your background."

"yeah," I said, thinking about how different y life was compared to the others around here. some of my former friends would've called wonderful people like the Smiths backwater nobodies, but that was why they were former friends. I never thought I was any better than others just because I had money. in fact I donated all of my birthday cheks.

"is it true you drive a diamond limo and poop solid gold?" asked Jill.

"JILL!" P.T. snapped throwing his steak knife at her. "DON'T SAY POOP AT THE TABLE!"

"POLLINATION TECHNICIAN #9!" Jenny snapped this time. "DON'T THROW KNIVES AT OUR DAUGHTER, WE JUST LOST OUR SON, DO YOU WANT TO KILL OUR _ONLY OTHER CHILD?!_"

Jenny fell onto her food and started crying. ashamed, P.T. apologized to her for his outburst, patting her on the back. I worried that if they made up they were going to make out in front of me like what my sick parents do (without realizing but still I mean come on) but Jenny calmed down and blotted her eyes with her napkin.

"um... would it be better if I left?" I offered.

"no, please stay," P.T. said. "I'm sorry, I... I am having trouble with grief."

"it seems the rest of your family is, too," I said. "they loved Johnny too, Mr. Smith."

he gasped, and looked down. "I... I didn't realize that until now... what a fool I've been. Jenny, Jill, please forgive me"

"of course we do, honey," Jenny said. "but if you cause the death or takeaway of Jill by CPS I will divorce your sorry green butt and find a man worth my loving."

"I understand, sweetness."

(one of my friends who also plays the sims didn't realize divorce was a thing in Sims 2. so every time she grew tired of her simself's husband, she killed him. by the time I told her that yes you can divorce them if you bring the relationship down far enough through fighting or cheats or whatever, she had her own flipping personal graveyard of dead husbands, three of them haunting her self sim at a time every night, they even caused her teen daughter to die of fright! and the one that did was even her dad!)

"and it's okay Papa, you missed me by five inches so I wasn't even hurt!" said Jill pappily.

"that's good," P.T. smiled, "I was worried."

we wrapped up dinner and had cherry pie for dessert, homemade by Mrs. Jenny Smith herself. it was very good and we even had vanilla ice cream to go with it! but the cherry sauce oozing out all over the place reminded the Smiths of when Johnny was on his beathbed and coughing up blood everywhere, so they all started crying and I had to comfort them. they were grateful and said I could come back for dinner anytime.

we went into the attached living room and watched TV. an orgy was on and Jenny screamed and covered Jill's eyes while P.T. covered her ears. they begged me to change the channel so I did and put on the news instead. they breathed sighs of relief and thanked me.

"today's case marks the 20th case of the flu in Strangetown this month alone," said the reporter.

"oh dear, it's still spreading," said Jenny.

"isn't that how Johnny died?' I asked.

"yes, he died of influenza because he wouldn't stay home from school and rest like we told him to." P.T. slapped his forehead. "_stupid, stupid, idiotic boy..._"

"do you think so many people are sick because Johnny spread it around at school?" I asked.

"no, we didn't get a letter about that from the principal or superintendent or anything," said Jenny. "this is... something else at work."

I wondered what it might be.

I went upstairs and brushed my teeth (P.T. showed me which door was the bathroom when we were going downstairs for dinner) and put on my nightgown. then I went to bed. as I laid in bed staring at the ceiling, something just didn't feel right.

"oh, Johnny," I whispered because everyone else was asleep and I didn't want to earn an ass whooping from P.T. the very first time I stayed here and ruin my first impression, "I don't know why, but I feel like you've drawn me here for a reason... are you trying to tell me something? can I help you in some way? also, please, don't watch me get dressed, it makes me uncomfortable."

suddenly I felt a feeling of apology, then an extreme feeling like I needed to go into Johnny's room. like, now. I didn't want to, though, because if P.T. found me he would've thrown me out the window or something! but I knew I had to, I just knew. carefully, I pushed the door open. the room was ice cold.

"brrr! I should get under the blankets!" I said, I climbed into the bed but the sheets hadn't been washed yet, it was gross but at least all the hair made it warm. then suddenly, a green light appeared at the foot of the bed!

"w-who goes there?!" I asked.

the light then formed into an alien shape, a shape resembling... the Smith's son, Johnny himself.

"I am Johnward Patrick Smith, and yes, Cait, I have called you to my house in life from the spirit plane to help avenge my death." it said.

"w-why did you bring me here?!" I asked.

"the ones responsible for my early demise are still walking free," he explained. he was a lot less scary now though. "I request your assistance in helping me stop them from making other innocent people sick just like me."

"but how? and why can't you do it, you were able to telepathically call me over here, why can't you like set their house on fire or something?"

"that is outside my abilities, I am a very weak ghost and can't do much. if I could have made them pay, I wouldn't have involved you in this, believe me."

"well... I'm sorry for what you had to go through, Johnny. death doesn't sound fun at all. what can I do for you?"

"please... find the roaches... find out who planted them here." as Johnny (Johnward) spoke, he started disappearing. "find them, and call the police, before anyone else dies! please, Cait, I'm counting on you!" soon he was gone and the room had returned to a normal temperature.

I climbed out of bed, still kind of shaken from the experience but I knew I had a job to do. "don't worry, Johnny," I said, "I'll do whatever it takes."


	6. Chapter 6: fried foods

chapter 6: fried foods

school started the next day, and Cait got on the bus. Jill Smith waved to her from one of the seats and she went to sit with her.

"Jill? what are you doing on this bus? this is for high schoolers," I said.

"there's only one school in town because the population is so low and getting lower, so all the kids ride to school on the same bus," the child enquired.

"oh, I guess that makes sense"

so Cait and Jill went to school.

after school they went home and I sat down and did my homework so I wouldn't fail and could go to college someday. I had always dreamed of living in a dorm and having an elderly and ugly person cook pancakes and macaroni and cheese for us. that and finally getting to beat up that stupid cow mascot. and maybe even the coach (he yelled at my sim when he was writing his term paper even though he had 10 body skill points?! WHAT THE HECK?!)

when that was done I played with my womrat Sparkles, who was squeaking that she was hungry. "Oh no Sparkles!" I said as I poured the womrat food in. "I forgot to feed you before school!"

Sparkled, though her ribs were showing pulled herself from the spot where she had been laying and devoured the food and was better immediately. I began crying. "I CANT EVEN TAKE CARE OF A STUPID WOMRAT! HOW WILL I BE ABLE TO BRING JUSTICE TO JOHNNY'S SOUL?!"

"CAITLYN!" Mom called, "DON'T CALL THAT POOR SWEET THING STUPID, OR WE'RE GIVING HER TO ASTRAL!"

I stopped crying then. Astral couldn't take care of a womrat, he was just a toddler. she would surely die in his lack of care. I slapped my cheeks and got my head in the game. "alright, Cait, get it together. it's time to find out the truth behind Johnny's murder."

I went over to the Smith house. P.T. answered the door in his boxer shorts... what a sight to behold. "eek! Cait! don't ring the doorbell when I'm half naked!"

"I'm sorry Mr. Smith, can I come in?"

"sure, just cover your eyes until I get dressed!"

i did as I was told and P.T. made himself decent, then allowed me to see in his house again. "I'm, uh, going to go upstairs," I said,

"oh? why, may I ask?" he asked anyway, raising his eyebrow.

"uh... I'm going to go help Jill with her homework!" I LIED.

P.T. thought about my answer. "... ok, that is very nice of you. when you're done, come on down - we're having cheeseburgers for dinner."

"oh boy, that sounds delicious!" I said. I had never had a cheezburgor before, maybe it was just a slab of cheese on a plate. that sounded appetizing.

I hurried upstairs but instead of going into Jill's room, I went into Johnny's. I felt kind of bad for lying to sweet old P.T., but this would help the entire Smith family with closure in the end. I got down on my hands and knees and crawled around on the floor, squinting to try and find what I needed, even though I had the forethought to turn the ceiling light on.

as I crawled under his bed and past the mountains of dirty underwear and magazines, and my eyes watered from the intense stench of unwashed drawers, I spotted it: a tiny corpse.

"come to Caity," I said and took out the tweezers and tiny bottle I'd been keeping in my shorts pocket. I grabbed the corpse with the tweezers and put it in the bottle, and when I got out from under that awful bed I hit my head on the frame but stood and held the bottle in the light. it was a dead cockroach and it looked sad, because it had died.

"your death was not in vain, little one," I said, then realized I probably should've been wearing protective gear so I wouldn't get sick and die _like Johnny,_ but remembered the roach was dead so I was fine. after that I went home and took the roach into the kitchen. I needed a cross section of it so I could learn what was special about it. so I took out the cutting board and a steak knife, and carefully and methodically sliced the roach into little slices. it kind of looked like olives for a pizza now (we had pizza with olives for dinner a few nights earlier, but I liked pepperoni more).

"CAITLYN!" Mom declared "WHY ARE YOU CHOPPING UP A ROACH IN THE KITCHEN WHERE WE PREPARE OUR FOOD?!"

"IT IS FOR SCIENCE MOTHER!" I screamed. "A FAMILY JUST LOST THEIR SON FROM A DISEASE SPREAD BY THIS THING AND I NEED TO LEARN WHY SO HIS GHOST CAN FINALLY REST!"

after that I placed the roach slices on a paper plate, except we were too fancy and didn't have any paper plates, so I had to use the fine china. so I put the roach slices on the fine china and went up to my room. I pulled out my microscope and placed the plate under it, then zoomed in on the slide.

"hmm," I said, and zoomed in far enough to see a gross green film on the roach. "eww! this must be what made Johnny sick! good thing it's dead so the same can't happen to me."

but what I couldn't tell was what was the green film! "how do I learn that?" I asked, thinking. then I snapped my fingers. "I know just where to go! hopefully, at least one of them is home..."


	7. Chapter 7: Curious Brothers R Us

hey yall, i wanted to give a heads-up about this chapter. when i was a kid i didn't realize vidcund curious wasn't a teen so i wrote him as being such. so i just want to warn you things get kind of weird in this chapter. there's nothing EXTREME like woohoo but it is kind of uncomfortable if you think of him as being the adult he is. but this was a major plot point so i didn't change it. so vidcund is seen as a teen in this story (as is nervous, if anyone was confused) i hope it doesn't bother you too much, please enjoy.

chapter 7: curious brothers r us

I ran over to the Curious Brothers' house, but it was just starting to get dark. but even though it was dark and scary and I was alone in this hard mission, I had to keep going. for Johnny. for Johnny.

I rang the doorbell but it didn't make any noise! so I pounded on the door. "Pascal? Vidcund? Laszlo? PLEASE, ANSWER! I NEED YOUR HELP! AAAAAHHHHHHH!" I started kicking the door angrily.

then it opened, revealing Vidcund Curious, the only blond Curious brother. but I accidentally kicked him in the kneecap! "ARGH! YOU LITTLE BRAT!" he shouted, falling down in pain.

"oops! Vidcund, I'm so sorry!" I said, and I meant it! I didn't mean to hurt him!

"GARRRR!" he growled. then Lazlo came to the door.

"oh, hey, Cait! said Lazlo. "what's up?"

"Lazlo, I found this roach in Johnny Smith's room and it's got this green stuff all over it, I think it's what killed him, can I use your scanners or something to find out what it is?" I asked.

"well, if they were mine, I'd say heck yeah, but Vidcund handles the scanners."

I gulped. Vidcund was glaring up at me from the ground as he rubbed his bloody knee. I sighed. my best friend Melody had taught me what to do in this situation.

"oh, Viddy," I said, making my voice higher and puffing out all my cheeks, "I _really_ need to take a look at what's going on with this roach - can't you help a girl out? Pleeeeaaaaassssseeeee?" I batted my eyelashes and bent my knees a little. I peed myself a little in this position but it's okay, no one needs to find out.

Vidcund's expression immediately changed. he blushed and his jaw dropped. I knew I had him hooked. "uhh... uhh... uhh..."

"will you help me, toots?" I asked, and gave him a peck on the cheek.

"... right this way," Vidcund said and got up and led me to the scanner rom. Lazlo laughed the whole time about how gullible his brother was.

in the scanner room, I sat down and slid the fine china upon which was the sliced roach and typed in a few things, then realized... I had no idea what I was doing.

"I'll help you with that, Cait," said Vidcund, and he leaned over to type in the correct things. I could smell his aftershave. I stopped to really look at him. he actually almost met my turn-ons, he was blond, but he wasn't muscular. also his face was ugly. but I didn't want to get a boyfriend right now when I was busy with this mystery, especially not one who was a busy scientist and kind of mean. but I guess it all depended on what he looked like in a speedo.

"here," he finally said, backing away, still blushing. he had probably been able to smell my rosewater perfume. "it says the roach is coated in a special compound of highly concentrated influenza."

"is it safe to handle?!" I asked, scared.

"yeah, it's dead, so you don't have to worry. but it's a really aggressive type of influenza, it would have infected you in minutes and you would have been dead in hours if it were alive."

"yipe!" I said, jumping into the air... and into Vidcund's arms.

I looked into his eyes and he looked into mine. his eyes were so tiny, like little specks. but those little specks were the clearest blue I've ever seen. his nose was thin and chiseled, and hard like a beak from how dedicated he was in his work. and his lips... they were so... thin... so... powerful...

I didn't realize it, and I don't think he did either but we were leaning in to kiss. then Lazlo farted in surprise from the doorway. "WHAT IN THE WORLD?!"

"LAZLO!" Vidcund shouted. "WHY ARE YOU WATCHING US?!"

"I came in to ask if Cait wanted some cookies and milk or maybe pizza and milk because some people like that but then I come in here and see you two BEING DIRTY!"

"WE WERE NOT BEING DIRTY! CAIT IS A RESPECTABLE YOUNG WOMAN, HOW DARE YOU SAY THAT ABOUT HER!"

I blushed. no one had ever said anything so kind to me before, but this wasn't the time to stick around and swoon! I jumped out of Vidcund's arms. "uh, well, thanks for all the help Vidcund, but how is this going to help me learn who it was that poisoned Johnny?"

"well, I know of only two people in this neighborhood who could make a deadly strain of influenza like this," said Vidcund.

"who?"

"... Loki and Circe Beaker."

I was horrified, then I looked at the scanner I'd been using. a brand name was on the front.

it read BeakerTech.


	8. Chapter 8: A Death in the Family?

Chapter 8: A Death in the Family?

I went back to the Smith's house and had dinner with them. P.T. was really good at grilling burgers. I learned that cheeseburgers were not grilled pieces of cheese, but actually burned sandwiches of meat and cheese. how strange. but while everyone enjoyed them, they kind of gave me gas.

when I went home, I decided to try a detour. I walked by this giant castle-like house, it was like, like a dungeon of sorts. uber creepy.

"wow, this house sure is creepy," I said. then my shoelace became untied. so I tied it.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING ON MY PORPERTY?!"

"YIPE!" I said and jumped up! there was an angry teenage boy in front of me, wearing a gray hoodie. he looked mad, but also like he was only a little older than me.

"h-hey bub, I just had to tie my shoelace! you gonna be an ass about it?!" I asked.

"you can't be here!" he protested. "if my parents find out, they'll take away my computer privileges again!"

"computer privileges...?" I asked, then gasped. "are you nervous129?"

he immediately looked scared. "wh-who wants to know?! how do you know?!"

"it's me! Caitlyn Pridemore!" I smiled beamily. "I talked with you the other night, I was trying to find my friends!"

"oh! Cait!" the boy said. "it's nice to meet you in person!"

"same here! what's your name, anyway?"

"Petey," he said and offered his hand. "nice to meet you...?"

"Cait."

"Cait," he said, and kissed my hand when I gave it to him. his lips were ice cold and dreamy.

"can I come inside your house?" I asked because I was curious, then realized it was extremely rude!" uh, er, I'm sorry."

"no, no, it's fine!" said Petey. "my parents are out right now? so you can come in?"

I accepted his offer and went inside. it was dark and cold. he was careful to keep me away from the rest of the house and immediately brought me downstairs to his room. my mom had warned me about boys like this so i grabbed ahold of my trusty pepper spray bottle, just in case.

his room was gross, there were piles of stinky clothes everywhere, and he even had his toothbrush lying on the floor! disgusting! there were also tons of used tissues scattered on the floor.

"ick! what's with this?" I asked.

"I'm sorry, I get lonely very often," he said and I relaxed a bit at that because if he was touching himself often he probably wasn't going to flirt with me or anything.

then I saw three giant tanks with roaches inside across the room. "um, do you have a toilet I could throw up in?" I asked.

"uh... no? what are you talking about?" then he saw I was looking at the roaches. he got scared and pulled a velvet curtain across the tanks. "uhh, um, those are just my, my... pets!"

"you keep roaches as pets?" I asked.

"y-yeah!" he said but something didn't seem right. "th-they're really nice once you get to know them... _little bastards..._ what? do you judge them just because they eat trash and are associated with filth? they can't help the bad rap, Cait! they're just bugs!"

"n-no! I, um... love bugs!" I said quickly, because I didn't want him to think I was a mean person.

shaking and sweating, Nervous put the roach he'd been holding back in the tank before drawing the curtain again. he wiped his hands off on his shirt, then on his pants, because they were farther from his face. "so, um, do you live here often?" he asked.

"no, my family just moved in a few days ago," I said.

"oh, cool."

he sat down next to me on his bed. it felt like rocks under my ass. how could he find this comfortable? "how are you comfortable on this bed?" I asked.

"well, uh, I don't do much sleeping on it," he said and I jumped! then he said, "no, that's not what I mean! my parents, they uh, just throw me in here when I'm passed out from their experiments."

"UHHHHHH?!" I said scared!

"no, wait! what I mean is-"

suddenly the front door unlocked! Petey jumped and said, "oh no, they're back!" he grabbed me and we jumped into a cubby behind a small wooden door behind his desk. "don't make a sound!" he whispered.

"mm-hm," I agreed, scared. my heart was throbbing in my chest, but then I realized it wasn't just from the thrill of being caught, but the fact that he was pressed next to me and his masculine physique was driving me wild.

"Nervous..." I whispered.

"yeah?" he whispered back.

I held his face in my hands. it was firm and didn't flop around at all, unlike Vidcund's. and Petey seemed nicer, and we had similar interests. all of this combined to turn into a swirling torrent of attraction and love and I kissed him on the lips. it was my very first kiss, and I wanted to share it with him.

Petey's eyes grew wide but he relaxed into it and kissed me back, hugging me tightly as we smooched throughout his parents' ransacking of the house upstairs. soon I wasn't even afraid anymore. so we made out in the vent and didn't hear what Nervous' parents were saying upstairs.

"where's that no good useless sack of a son we have?" asked Loki.

"I don't know," said Circe, "but the computer got a message that one of our scanners was used so let's check it out."

so they went into the other room to check their computer. all BeakerTech scanners sent reports to their computer so they could see how they were being used. Circe logged on and saw a report saying that Cait had used the Curious Brother's scanner on the roach!

"THAT LITTLE BITCH!" Circe screamed then got up and grabbed her axe. "I'M GONNA SHOW HER NOT TO MESS WITH US!"

"WAIT, CIRCE!" Loki stopped his wife. "if you murder her, the whole town will know what we're up to! no, we've got to distract her from this instead!"

"but hau?"

Loki rubbed his hands together and his eyebrows got even lower "I have a plan..."

Cait walked home happily, covered in kiss marks from her make out session with Nervous. she'd never had a spring in her step like this before. but that all ended once she walked in the front door.

"Cait, you're late for dinner!" said Mom.

"sorry Mom, I ate at the Smith's," I said.

"well, that's okay, we won't be able to have dinner here anyway. I just got a call from your grandmother."

"is it because I haven't called her lately?"

"no, but she was upset about that too. you need to call her more often Cait. but your great grandaunt just died in Veronaville. we need to go over there for the funeral."

"oh, I am sorry to hear that," I said, then said, "but why do I have to come? I've never even met or heard of her."

"because she was family, Cait!"

"fine..." I said, and sighed. I went upstairs to pack my bags. meanwhile outside I didn't see it but Loki and Circe were laughing to themselves.

as I packed my computer beeped and I saw I had received a message from nervous129, aka Petey if you forgot. "hey babe today was gr8"

"lol u kno it! but i hav something bad 2 tell u..." I typed sadly.

"o no ur not pregnant right?" I could feel the fear come through in his response and typed quickly, "no!"

"o good! so whats wrong?"

"my gr8 grandaunt just died i gotta go to the funeral" I wrote.

"o"

"yeah sorry"

"no its not ur fault u didnt kill her. where is the funeral?"

"veronaville"

"ill be there."

"wait rly?!"

"yeah. dont worry bby. ill meet u over there."

"o petey ur so sweet! u make every day better!"

"u do too"

"see u soon!"

I shut down my computer and packed it, and packed my clothes, and cried on my suitcase. I didn't want to go. I didn't want to be dragged to stuffy old Veronaville to attend the funeral of someone I didn't know and for all I knew never even existed. but I had to.

for family.


	9. Chapter 9: Christmas in Veronaville

Happy Thanksgiving y'all

chapter 9: Christmas in Veronaville

my family and me got off the train and stepped into Veronaville trainport. "we are here" said Dad.

I clapped my hands together, excited. I'd always loved visiting Veronaville. it was pretty and there were a lot of nice shops to go shopping. but we weren't here for pleasure. we were here for business.

we took a taxi to my Aunt Amanda's house. it was big and spacious and even had a hedge maze in the back! whoa! soon a woman answered the door. she was wearing a black dress with elbow length black gloves and a black hat with a black veil on it.

"Mrs. Smith?" I asked, squinting. "is that you?"

"NO IT IS NOT CAN'T YOU SEE THAT I AM GRIEVING?!" the woman screamed. "I DON'T NEED YOUR MISPLACING ME ADDED TO MY TROUBLES!"

"Mandy!" said Mom. "it's us, your family!"

"oh!" Aunt Amanda said, blushing. "I'm sorry, our grandaunt passed away you know, and right before Christmas, so it's been hectic for everyone."

"I see."

"won't you come in?"

Aunt Amanda stepped aside and let us in. I glared at her and she glared back. Aunt Amanda had always hated me for some reason, even when I was a baby, and she would spoil Astral every time she saw him, in front of me. once she even took my lollipop away from me and gave it to him, and that was before he had any teeth anyway. he got a gum infection and she blamed me for it.

inside all my other relatives were there in mourning. my cousins Gaylord and Laverne were sitting together on the sofa with their mom my mom's other sister, Joy, all dressed in black. Joy was weeping extremely loudly and they were staring at her unsure of what to do. then there was my Grandma and Grandpa, they were sitting on the loveseat across from my cousins, Grandpa had already fallen asleep from either his medication or Aunt Amanda's ample supply of booze. Grandma was crocheting a pair of socks for somebody (they couldn't have been for her because she lost her feet in the War, you see). then there was Uncle Ulysses, mom's step-brother, Grandpa's blood son. he was drinking punch in the corner and was the most lively of everyone, wearing a black Hawaiian shirt to lighten the mood. Laverne called to us as soon as he saw us.

"YO! CAIT! IT'S ABOUT TIME SOMEONE BRIGHTENED THIS PLACE UP - THIS POPSICLE STAND IS DEAD!"

that was the wrong thing to say. Aunt Amanda grabbed her broom and whipped Laverna across the head with it. "DON'T YOU DARE SAY ANOTHER THING LIKE THAT YOU SORRY WHIPPET, WE ARE HAVING A WAKE!"

"s-sorry Auntie," he said, but that was a lie, he hated her too.

the commotion woke Grandpa and he snorted, then said hello and gave Astral and I five dollars. Aunt Amanda was a sneaky bitch though and took mine and gave it to Astral when no one was looking.  
"hey, Aunt Amanda! that was mine!" I said. "that could've fed me in college!"

"I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING!" she screamed.

"Cait, don't make up stories like that!" Mom chastised.

"WHY DON'T ANY OF YOU SEE WHAT A TWO-FACED GORGON SHE IS?!" I shouted back. "SHE MAKES MY LIFE A LIVING HECK EVERY TIME WE SEE HER AND ALL OF YOU ARE TOO STUPID TO REALIZE IT!"

suddenly the Christmas train that was running around the Christmas tree started smoking and shorted out. "OH GREAT, LOOK WHAT YOU DID CAIT, YOU KILLED THE TRAIN BECAUSE WE DIDN'T HAVE ENOUGH WITH GRANDAUNT DYING!" Aunt Amanda blamed.

"I DIDN'T EVEN TOUCH THAT THING!" I said. "THE TRAIN OR GREAT GRANDAUNT WHATSHERNAME!"

"THAT'S ENOUGH!" said Mom. "Cait, I understand it was a long trip, but I'm afraid you are a guest in this house and this kind of behavior is disrespectful. I must ask you to sleep outside tonight to keep the peace."

"BUT MOM!" I said. "IT'S CHRISTMAS EVE! IT'S BELOW 10 DEGREES OUTSIDE!"

"my siblings and I had sleeping bags," Mom said, "they should be upstairs in the linen closet. I'm sorry, honey."

"UGH, IT'S... it's okay, Mom..." I said, grumbling as I made my way up the stairs to Aunt Amanda grinning at me. I took a nice and fluffy sleeping bag and was halfway out the door when Aunt Amanda said it was her old bag and I couldn't use it! I had to use Mom's instead! but Mom was always a very outdoorsy person and hers was worn thin with softball-sized holes all over. but it would have to do.

I said goodnight to the family I cared about and went into the backyard. my stomach growled, because I hadn't gotten to have dinner. through the window I could see everyone sitting down to a nice ripe juicy turkey. they were all laughing and talking and having fun together in the warmth. noticing that I was looking, Aunt Amanda smiled even wider and drew the curtains so I couldn't see no more.

"mark my words, Aunt Amanda," I said, clenching my fists, "so long as I have blood pumping through my veins, I will make your life insufferable someday. just you wait."

"I can't wait to see it, babe," said a voice. I turned around.

it was Nervous!

"Petey!" I said! I ran to him and we made out in the snow. "you made it!"

"I told you I would! and it looks like a good thing," he said "because your sleeping bag looks like a wreck!"

"it's my mom's old one," I explained. "my evil aunt wouldn't let me have a better one because it was hers! so now I'm going to freeze!"

"not if I can help it," Nervous said, and hugged me romantically. then he squeezed me, then kissed me tenderly. my temperature bar went up. "oh, Nervous," I said.

we went on a date and we hugged and kissed and talked and even had a pillow fight! then we started rolling wants to make out, then I rolled a want I'd never had before... have very first woohoo with Nervous.

"Nervous..." I whispered.

"ye?" he asked.

"I... I want to make woohoo to you."

he imediatly looked scared. "C-Cait! I, I couldn't do that... you're a respectable lady! and I'm... I'm nothing..."

"no you're not!" I said. "Petey, you've made me feel like the most important girl in the world. you hid me from your parents and told me you live nearby and came all the way out to Veronaville to keep me warm. you're a knight in shining armor."

"r... really?"

"yesh!"

"oh... oh, Cait..." Nervous said and made out with me again.

we stripped naked and ran around the backyard. Aunt Amanda saw from the window and screamed in terror and shock but she was hopeless to do anything. I ran to the hedge maze and said "in here!" and we ran through giggling and skipping and running and having a good time in the snow. when we got to the end, we started kissing again and decided to make woohoo in the center of the hedge maze. only we couldn't, becasue there was a rose bush there. so we made woohoo on the rose bush.

"that... was... amazing... Cait..." Nervous said after the fireworks disappeared.

"yeah," I said holding his hand. "I had a great time, Nervous."

we snuggled together in the sleepingbag stark naked and I giggled at how Aunt Amanda probably wouldn't want it back after this. I held Nervous close the whole night and he did the same so we shared our body heat and I didn't freeze.

another new thought crossed my mind... was Nervous really the one for me?


	10. Chapter 10: Alien Arrest

Chapter 10: Alien Arrest

at night, Loki and Circe sneaked into the local deer hunting forest and went up to the sign. "DEER NOT IN SEASON," it declared.

"heh heh heh heh...!" Loki chuckled as he doodled on the sign in permanent marker.

"Loki! someone's coming"! whispered Circe.

"all done," he said and they hid in a nearby bush.

P.T. Smith walked by dressed in a deerstalker hat, flannel shirt, vest, corduroys, and boots with his rifle over his shoulder. "hmm, let's check the season sign," he said, and looked at it. Loki had changed it to say, "DEER IN SEASON."

"perfect," said P.T. and he walked farther into the woods to hunt to feed his family.

Loki and Circe giggled and tiptoed away back to their home lab, all they had to do now was wait.

* * *

"Mom, Dad, Astral, I'm home!" I said walking in through the back door after my night outside. Astral crawled up to me laughing and I picked him up.

"Cait... come over here," I heard Dad say from the living room. he sounded serious.

"oh no does he know I made woohoo with Petey?" I wondered, scared.

I walked in. my entire family was watching TV. when I saw what was on the screen, I gasped, shocked, and dropped Astral.

P.T. was on the Strangetown news, his mugshot was on the screen. the banner said "LOCAL ALIEN ARRESTED FOR HUNTING DEER IN OFF-SEASON" and the X-Files theme was playing instead of the regular news music because he was an alien.

"OMG WHAT HAPPENED TO P.T.?!" I asked scared.

"he was arrested!" said Mom. "this is awful! Mr. Smith is such a nice old man,"

"HE'S NOT JUST A MAN!" I said, highly upset. "HE'S AN ALIEN!" I had a minor nervous breakdown but Dad calmed me down.

"now now Cait, everything will be fine. we'll head back to Strangetown today if that will make you feel better."

I nodded, crying. "mm-hm."

we said goodbye to our family and went back home on the train. when we got back to Strangetown I hopped off the train and ran to the nearest police department, my family ran after me.

"hello, welcome to the Strangetown police headquarters, how may we police you today?" the lady at the desk asked she had two inch long nails that clacked on her keyboard.

"I NEED TO SEE MY FATHER!" I screamed. "YOU PEOPLE TOOK HIM IN ON FALSE PRETENSES AND ARRESTED HIM AND THREW HIM IN A CELL TO ROT, HOW COULD YOU DO THAT?! P.T. IS A WONDERFUL ALIEN!"

"I am sorry to see that you're so upset, what's the name please?"

"P.T. SMITH."

"okay," she said and typed it into her computer. "oops, it seems he was arrested for hunting deer in the off season, that's a very serious offense."

"what's going to happen to him?!"

"he could get the electric chair in this state. I am sorry."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" I cried, falling to my knees. I couldn't deal with P.T. dying. not that.

my family ran in and it was probably a good thing that they did so now so that Dad's heart wouldn't be broken by hearing me call P.T. father. but the truth was that P.T. was the most dad-like person I'd had in my life and even though Dad was nice he was hardly ever there for me. "what's wrong Cait?!" he asked.

"THEY'RE GOING TO FRY P.T.!"

"what! not on my watch!" Dad said and spoke to the lady. "ma'am, my name is Gregory Pridemore, and I vouch for the innocence of P.T. Smith. he has been nothing but wonderful to my daughter and my family since we moved in we couldn't bear to see him killed."

"the trial hasn't happened yet sir," the lady said. "but if you really want to see him he's in cell 201."

"go to him, Cait," Dad said. "it would probably make him really happy to see you."

"thanks Dad," I said and hurried into the hall of cells. there were lots of criminals in here and some of them were banging cups against the bars. I shivered. this was no place for a sweet old man like P.T.

just before I reached his cell my stomach burbled and I ran to the bathroom instinctively. I puked into the toilet and it turned green and dirty instantly. I tried to catch my breath and gazed into the bowl of my own puke.

"could I be pregant?" I said and was scared.

I flushed it and went to go find P.T. I smelled hamburgers in the air and knew I was getting close. then I turned a corner and saw P.T. standing behind the bars sadly.

"Daddy!" I said and ran to the bars. he looked happy immediately. "Cait! you came to see me!" he said.

"of course Idid!" I said and started crying. "I wouldn't just leave you here if you got arrested!"

"I can't believe it," he said. "I always check the season sign outside the forest. it said the deer were in season. then I got arrested!"

I stopped. "wait... the sign said they were in season?"

"yes!"

"hmm" I said, then called an officer over. "sir, P.T. says the sign outside the forest said the door were in season!"

"he did, did he?" the officer said and looked at P.T.. "is this true, Mr. Smith?"

"indeed it is," P.T. said and I smiled. "I'm always very careful when hunting to make sure they're in season."

"hmm... I'll send out a couple officers to check the sign. until then, you sit right here... but things may be looking up for you."

P.T. and I smiled beamily at each other.


	11. Chapter 11: Badonkadonk

happy black friday i guess? don't get trampled while shopping!

chapter 11: badonkadonk

the officers came back and said they had indeed noticed wet paint on the deer season sign. crying tears of joy, P.T. was let out of the cell and I hugged him. after we returned him back to his home, we talked with the Smiths for a little while. Jill played with Astral on the floor.

"I just don't understand how this could happen" said Jenny. "P.T.'s always careful when hunting. none of this makes sense."

"... I think I know what happened," I said, and everyone turned to look at me, but I got sick and ran to the bathroom to throw up. "what in the world is happening to me?!" I asked my reflection.

"P.T., do you think someone set this whole thing up on purpose?" asked Dad.

"why would someone do that?" Mom asked. "everyone in town loves P.T.."

"except General Grunt," said P.T. himself. "he's had it out for me ever since I landed here. I think he thinks I kidnapped his wife."

"what do you mean?" asked Dad. "he never mentioned a wife."

"it's still a sore subject. you see, when I arrived here twenty years ago, he had a wife named Lyla. they have three children together, Tank, Ripp, and Buck, but after Buck's tenth birthday she left suddenly and never came back. the General thinks I kidnapped her to produce more alien offspring or something horrible like that, even though I've told him not only am I retired but my species can only grow in the intestincal tracks of human males. but he still thinks I'm responsible."

"please don't impregnate my insides," said Dad.

"what part of "retired" did you not understand?" P.T. asked narrowing his eyes at Dad.

I puked in the toilet then returned to the table. "sorry everyone, I've been feeling kind of sick lately."

"do you have food poisoning?" Mom asked.

"no, I haven't eaten any stinky food..."

MOM GASPED. "there is only one other reason why you would be vomiting... Cait, you're not pregnant are you?!"

"wh-wh-what?! no, Mom! I..."

Dad wrestled Johnny's ghost to the table. "HOW DARE YOU GET MY DAUGHTER PREGNANT!"

"Dad it wasn't Johnny!" I said scared for Johnny.

"GET YOUR HANDS OFF MY SON'S GHOST!" P.T. screeched and punched Dad in the nose, causing him to fly backward and Johnny vanished quickly to get away.

"OUCH!" shouted Dad holding his nose it was black and blue now and bleeding too. "WHY YOU GREEN BUTTED FREAK!"

"GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!" said P.T.. "I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN!"

"THAT IS FINE BY ME!" Dad screamed dragging me and Astral out the door. "BUT YOU WILL BE PAYING CHILD SUPPORT!"

"DAD, JOHNNY'S A FREAKING GHOST, HOW COULD HE HAVE GOTTEN ME PREGNANT ANYWAY?!" I TRIED to argue but Dad wasn't listening, as usual.

"HAVEN'T YOU EVER HEARD OF THE TOMBSTONE OF LIFE AND DEATH?!"

"UGH YOUR NOT MAKING ANY SENSE AGAIN"

unfortunately I was dragged home and then dragged to the local gynecologist to get a pregnancy test. however before it could happen my belly popped out slightly.

"oh no..." I said. "... I am pregnant."

Mom suddenly barged into the bathroom "Cait are you done getting dressed O MY GOODNESS CAIT!"

"Mom, I-I can explain!" I said.

"YOU'RE PREGNANT AREN'T YOU?!" Mom shrieked. "I ALWAYS KNEW THIS DAY WOULD HAPPEN!"

"gee thanks for the trust Mom," I said angrily.

we went home and sat in the living room, except astral, he had to be put down for his nap. "_Cait,_" Dad said slowly like he was trying to restrain himself from tearing me to pieces, "_I will not be mad... tell me right now, who you let defile you to make this baby._"

"it... it was..." then I got upset at Dad because he was never there. "IT WAS THE SAME GUY YOU SAID WOULD BE FINE FOR ME TO INVITE OVER, _DAD!_ THIS IS ALL _YOUR_ FAULT!"

"what?! no... NO..." he said and began crying. he ran upstairs to Mom's and Dad's room and locked the door he needed a moment.

"sorry, Dad," I said, crying. "I didn't mean to get pregnant, it just sort of happened."

"it's okay, Cait," he said, smiling and setting his hand on my shoulder. "I am sorry I was not the good father you deserved. but even though I have failed you, I will work harder to be the best blasted Grandpa the world has ever known."

"and I'm going to start by getting some help in this house, because your Mother and I will be too busy taking care of Astral to help you with the baby, I am sorry."

"that's okay, are we getting a nanny or something?"

"no, even better! since we could only stay in Veronaville for a day, we'll call your Aunt Amanda to come over and help you!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" I scremed and fainted from screaming too hard. Aunt Amanda... no... NOT AGAIN.


	12. Chapter 12: When Relatives Attack

hope everyone had a happy thanksgiving and survived black friday! NEW CHAPTER FOR YOU! (that's a joke for later in the chapter! :D)

Chapter 12: When Relatives Attack

I got out of bed. my belly was bigger now and I rubbed it close. "Nervous and I are going to have a child... how wonderful"

pregnant women are always hungry at least I was and I was pregnant so I went downstairs to get some breakfast. I walked into the kitchen. my dad was eating Count Chocula.

"DAD!" I shrieked! "WHY ARE YOU EATING COUNT CHOCULA HE IS A FRIEND TO ALL!"

"he broke into the house, Cait!" Dad responded, pinning the vampire to the table.

"BLEHH!" cried Count Chocula. "LET ME GO OR I'LL BITE YOUR NECK!"

"see? why should I let him go? he has threatened me!" Dad implied.

"Mr. Chocula Sir," I said, "please don't cause any trouble in my house, I am very pregnant and don't want my baby to be born stressed."

"oh I did not realize!" said Count Chocula and he stood straight and bowed. "please forgive me good Pridemores, I was very hungry for some cereal and couldn't control myself."

"it's okay, but are you really count Chocula?" I asked.

"No, my name is Count Kenneth Wong, I am a vampire and I live in downtown Pleasantview." he answered.

"WAIT RALLY?!" I said. "WE'RE FROM DOWNTOWN PLEASANTVIEW TOO!"

"oh really that's neat!" he said. "I am here trying to find my long lost business partner, have you seen a Gregory Pridemore around here?"

"that's me!" said Dad "wait... Kenny? is that you?"

"yes, it is me."

"what happened to you man?!"

"I got bitten by a vampire, I am a vampire now."

"oh... oh, Kenny..." Dad said and swooned because Kenny had the romance aspiration, then blushed because he couldn't flirt with anyone other than my Mom!especially in front of me!

then the doorbell rang "i'll get it!" i said

at the door was Aunt Amanda, wearing a creepy wide smile and holding a diaper bag. "oh, I'm sorry, I was trying to find the home of my pregant slut niece, it seems the only person here is obese instead."

"I AM NOT OBESE YOU SHREW AND I AM NOT A SLUT!" I screached.

"Cait don't yell at your Aunt!" yelled Dad.

"BUT DIDN'T YOU HEAR WHAT SHE SAID?!"

"no I couldn't over all your screaming!"

"UGH just get in here you silicone cyborg," I said and Aunt Amanda smiled as she entered my domain. she thrust the diaper bag at me. "here you go!"

it... squished in my arms. "ew, what's that smell...?" "why does this feel like it's filled with model magic?!"

"it's a diaper bag, sweetie," said Aunt Maanda still smiling.

"... yeah, i know what it is..."

"it's already filled with diapers."

"..."

"dirty diapers."

"I WILL SOIL YOUR SOUL," I growled but Aunt Amanda just laughed and walked past me.

"oh, Amanda, glad to see you could make it on such short notice!" said Dad shaking her hand.

"well, I had to leave in the middle of Grandaunt's funeral, but anything for our _darling Caity _here..." Aunt Amanda bristled.

"well, we actually only have three rooms, so you'll have to bunk with Cait while you're here!" said Dad.

"DAD WHY!" I said.

"BECAUSE SHE IS OUR GUEST CAIT, I AM _TRYING_ TO RAISE YOU NOT TO BE A STUCK UP RICH KID!" Dad replied.

"oh that sounds wonderful!" said Aunt Amanda and she went upstairs to get settled in MY ROOM.

"why, cruel world?" I asked. "I do my homework. I'm nice to my neighbors. I wash my hands. why must I be cursed with an Aunt as wretched and cold as Aunt Amanda?"

the doorbell rang and I was about to answer it when AStral answered it instead. he giggled like a baby as he opened the door to reveal Petey Beaker.

"uh, hi, is Cait home?" he asked.

"PETEY?!" I said startled! he looked up at me and saw my swollen uterus.

"CAIT?! you're... YOU'RE..."

"YOU FIEND!" Dad shrieked and tackled Petey to the ground.

"NO DAD!" I screamed. "PETEY DIDN'T DO IT ON PURPOSE!"

"please don't kill me mr. Pridemore," pleaded Petey. "I am in love with your daughter and will marry her if necessary if it makes you happy. but I will not adandon her now that she is expecting my child. my weiner did this it is all its fault, but I will do wahtevr it takes to repair the damage it has done."

Dad got tears in his eyes at Petey's words. "son... you are more mature than I gave you credit for. I am sorry I tackled you. it is clear you love my Cait and for that I am sorry."

"I accept your apologies Mr. Pridemore." they shook hands.

"please, call me Gus."

"okay, Gus."

after that I criede in the bathroom because I couldn't go and see the Smiths anymore. it had to be in the bathroom because Aunt Amanda had commandeered my room. I played Shaggy's Bombastic on my ipod to help me feel better and drown out my crying so no one would hear but it didn't work. Nervous walked into the bathroom with his hand over his eyes.

"Cait, the door wasn't locked, but I heard you in here and wanted to make sure you were alright are you naked?" he asked.

"no I am not" I said and wiped my tears away. "I was just crying"

"oh, Cait," he said and sat next to me on the tub rim. he listened to the music radiating from my ipod radiating from the headphones on my distended uterus. "Boombastic, eh?"

"yeah," I said, "I always play it when I'm sad it helps me feel better."

"my favorite is in the summertime, but Mungo Jerry's original version."

"yeah, that's a good song."

Nervous suddenly sat up from where he was resting his head on my distended uterus. "hey! I just got an idea for what to name our baby if it's a boy!"

"we are not naming him Mungo," I said immediately.

"no, what about Jerry?"

"oh, that sounds great!" I said. "that's my favorite comedian too!"

"oh cool we have a boys name down then!" Nervous laughed.

"for a girls name... uhm..." I said I was daring a blank. "ur hurrm..."

"how about..." Nervous said and leaned over and snogged me. "Cait Jr.."

"Nervous…" I said and began crying. "that's so sweet of you."

"just like you." Petey said and snogged me again.

we snogged for an hour in the bathtub and Aunt Amanda got upset because she had to use the bathroom, but she just had to deal with it. I had Petey, Petey had me, and we both had Jerry/Cait Jr.. whatever was ahead, we could handle it together as a tiny family.


	13. Chapter 13: In Love with a Vampire!

chapter 13: in love with a vampire?!

I WALKED downstairs and pulled a waffle out of the toster to eat because I was late for scool, went to school, then came back home did my homework went to the bathroom and sat down in front of the tv.

I went into the girls' bathroom. I sat down on a toilet. I cried and cried over my pregnancy test. life was so unfair. how could I get pregnant when all I wanted was to share a sweet night with Nervous? and now I was pregnant for it. with my entire life ahead of me. as I cried suddenly Johnny's ghost appeared before me just in time as I'd just finished counting the used pads and tampons that were in the little bin attached to the wall that was overflowing like a cornucopia.

"whats wrong, Cait?" he asked.

"I am pregnant" I said and cried into my hands.

"Oh no, Cait!" he cried and consoled me. "this is no time to get pregnant!"

"TELL THAT TO MY OVARIES" I shouted from the hormones. "sorry..."

"it's ok" he said and hugged me. "don't look at that bin, it will only make you upset."

"I've never missed my period so much in my life." I said and blotted my eye with the tampon I kept in my purse. I wouldn't be needing it now.

"dont worry Cait, whatever happens, we're all here for you." he said and kissed my cheek and faded away just as another girl came into the bathroom with diarea from the lunchroom.

the cooking channel was on TV. I watched Paula Deen bake a chicken in chocolate and ham fries.

"hi yall, Paula Deen again, today we're baking a chicken in chocolate and ham fries." she said at the beginning of the program.

"that sounds disgutsing." I said. chykkan had nevar been my thyng.

as Paula dunked the plucked chicken in melted chauwkolut Count Wong entered the room. "hello, you are Caitlyn, correct?" he said my name rolling off his tongue and sending shivors up my spine.

"uh, y-y-yes" I said. I'd never liked hearing my full name, in case you have forgotten. but the way this vampire said it... omg...

he sat down next to me on the sofa and lovingly stroked my swolled uterus. "I'm sure your baby will be very beautiful."

I jumped into his lap and we madeout. that voice. omg. then I remembered Nervous' sweet, soft spoken voice. I jumped out of Count Wong's lap and off his newly-hardened wong! wow I guess that name was really fitting! "I cannot kiss you! I am engaged in relations with Nervous!"

"he won't have to know, baby," Count Wong said and swirled around to get naked. "I want to be your child's father."

"NO!" I said and pushed him and he fell on his butt. "the love of my life is Nervos and I want nothing to do with you, get out of my house you perfy vampire!"

"alright, okay, fine," he said gatehring his pride and walking out the door. "I am sorry, I will leave you alone now. I hope your baby is born healthy."

"oh thank you, that is very sweet of you to say"

"where are you registered?"

"babies r us"

"do you mind if I buy you something?" he asked.

I gasped. "oh my gosh that is so sweet of you! we need a high chair actually"

"consider it done," he said with a smile and waved goodbye and left.

I turned and sat back down on the sofa when Nervus ran in through the front door. "honey, I'm home - CAIT WHY ARE YOU SITTING ON THE SOFA NAKED?!"

"oh, uhh, umm..."I stuttered, trying to think of something other than the fact that I was making out with a freakin vAMPIRE just a moment ago "it's hot today."

"it's STRANGETOWN, it's always hot!" he said and ran over to me, tipping me to the side to examine underneath me. "you need to be careful, the baby could fall out and hit his head!"

"hey, it could be a girl!" I said, "or it could even be twins!"

"still!" he said then gasped. "you've been taking showers haven't you?!

"uh, no, I actually took a bubble bath last night," I proposed.

"CAIT NO!" he shouted, crying. "YOU HAVE TO TAKE SHOWERS OR ELSE THE BABY COULD DROWN!"

"uh, Nervous, unlike you I passed high school biology, water can't get through unless there's a hole in the placenta. besides he or she is breathing ampiotic fluid right now. everything is fine" I said and kissed him then... IT HAPPEDNED.

my uterus contracarted and my placenta tore, ripping open a large hole through which all the fluid in my uterus that was supplying oxygen to our baby fell out my clam. and landed in a giant wet splatter on the floor and across my shoes.

"oh... oh no." I said. the baby was coming, and without the ampiotic fluid, the baby would suffocate soon! we had to get to the hospital!"

"NERVOUS START THE CAR!" I shouted grabbing the diaper bag that was freshly cleaned of its soiled diapers.

Nervous went to grab the car keys but Aunt Amanda took them and threw them out the window! "oops," she said with a smiled on her face.

"DARN IT AUNT AMANDA!" I shrieked. "WHEN I PASS THE AFTER BABY BIRTH I'M GOING TO HAVE IT EMBEDDED IN YOUR FABRIC UPHOLSTERED CAR DRIVER'S SEAT!"

Aunt Amanda glared at me. "you wouldn't dare you skink!"

Nervous ran to the front door. there was no time for bickering. but when he opened the door Vidcund was standing on the other side he looked furious!

"whoa Vidcund!" Nervous said stratled. "wh-what can I do for you?"

"YOU GOT CAIT PREGANNT!" he shouted and punched Nervous in the jaw. "MY ONE TRUE LOVE!"

"VIDCUND THIS ISN'T THE TIME!" I said and elbowed Aunt Amanda in the ribs so she would let go of me, she was trying to drag me into the bathtub to drown the baby through the hole in my clam! "I'M IN LABOR AND I NEED TO GET TO A HOSPITAL BIRTHING FACILITY IMMEDIATELY OR ELSE MY BABY WILL SUFFOCATE!"

"WELL AT LEAST IF THAT HAPPENS _WE_ CAN HABVE A BABY LIKE NATURE INTENDED!" Vidcund said.

"YOU FIEND!" Nervous shouted and punched Vidcund in the stomach.

"SO, YOU AGREE TO DUEL, EH?" Vidcund said and jumped inside and he and Nervous started boxing.

"give up Vidcund, you're just hurting Cait like this and you know it!" Nervous said.

"SHUT IT, YOU SCRAWNY BEANPOLE!" Vidcund shouted. "I'M GOING TO RIP OUT YOUR JAW AND SHOVE IT INTO YOUR ASS, SO YOU'LL CONSTANTLY BE BITING YOUR OWN ASS!"

"not if I kick yours first!" Nervous said and kicked Vidcund in the collarbone sending him flying into the wall, into the family photos.

"uh... guys?" I said. my vision started going daark. before I blacked out, I was on the cold, tile bathroom floor.


	14. Chapter 14: Baby Birth

chapter 14: baby birth

"alright Cait just take it easy," said the doctor. "now I need you to open your legs and push the baby out for me, can you do that?"

AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH," I screamed, bringing my legs up and out of the way, but I didn't think they were far enough away so I hooked them behind my neck because OI took gymnastics in elementary school.

menwhile in the waiting room Nervous paced like an anxious father-to-be. my Dad patted him on the back. "its okay son, Cait's a strong woman. she and the baby will survive."

"I sure hope you're right Papa," Nervous said, having earned the right to call my Dad Papa after he proposed to me and now we were to be wed so the baby would have two married parents. it was just how our family operated.

back in the deliveried room my child fell out of my clam with ease because I studied gymnastics in elementary school. Nervous' and my baby cried in the doctor's arms. "IT'S A GIRL!" he cried.

"oh thank goodness she's safe," I said and held my baby after the cleaned her off, because no baby comes out all clean and nice looking, they gotta wipe them off first. my baby looked at me and opened her eyes. I gasped and screamed and nearly threw her back at the doctor I was so scared.

my baby's eyes were entirely blue.

Nervous heard me scream and ran in with the rest of my family, they shielded their eyes to not see my clam at least. Nervous said, "whats wrong Cait?!" then he saw the baby and screamed, "OMG!"

"what is wrong with my baby sir?" I asked the doctor.

"I'm afraid _I_ can explained," Dad said holding hands with Mom. "Cait... you are an adopted alien."

"WAT?!"

"look in the mirror Cait."

I looked in a nearby hand mirror and saw my own eyes were blue _all over._ "no... NO!"

"your real parents live somewhere in strangetown, but we never told you." Mom sniffed. "we are sorry."

"oh... oh, mama..." I said and cried onto their shoulders. "it s okay, I firgive you."

"but how will we find Cait's real parents?" Nervous asked.

"we will just have to keep looking," Cait said. "whatever it takes, we will find them."

we went home and we put the baby in the crib and rocked her to sleep, then Nervous and I got married at the wedding arch outside and went on our honeymoon, then came home and made woohoo in my bed. but it was now our bed, my parents couldn't argue about us having woohoo in the house anymore. myclamwas sore from birthing our daughter, Cait Jr., but Nervous was careful so it didn't hurt. (i've seen peple do something called a 100 baby challenge sometimes the mother gives birth in the morning and gets pregnant again that night back to back I say. I told my friend good thing there's no clam soreness mod or else the poor woman would be in agony.)

I took Cait Jr. over to see the Smiths. Jenny answered the door. "oh hi Ciat! I see you gave birth happily and healthily,"

"yep!" I said and showed her my daughetr. "this is Cait Jr.."

"hi, Cait Jr.," Jenny said and Cait Jr. held her finger.

we went in and sat at the dining table, P.T. was crying because he had to wear adult diapers. "so, how will we figure out just how P.T. got framed in the first place?" I said.

"wait... IT IS ALL CLEAR NOW!" shouted Lazlo, scared. "Cait, don't you see? this is all the Beakers doing!"

slowly, everything fell into place. how could I have been such a fool. here I was having woohoo on rose bushes and getting pregnant and making out with vampires when the real enemy was right across the street from me. "oh no." "what are we going to do?!"

"we gotta confront them!" Jill said, clenching her fist.  
"no, honey,!" pleaded Jenny. "it is too dangerous."

"BUT IF WE LEAVE THEM ALONE MORE JOHNNIES WILL DIE!" I argued. "do you want other people's sons to die just like yours?!"

Jenny was about to throttle me it looked like but P.T. stopped her. "no, honey. we have to tell her the truth."

"what truth?" I asked.

Jenny sighed. "Cait, " P.T. said, "Johnny didn't die from the flu."

"he didn't?"

"no." P.T. said, and tears began rolling down his face. "he died from baby birth."

I was shocked but Jenny put on her old recored of Hotel California to aid in telling the story. "Johnny was out one night stargazing when he wasn't supposed to. a UFO came by and abducted him. on it was my old boss he impregnated Johnny with a modified spatula. he came bak home pregannt, and when he tried to give birth he died trying to give birth." P.T. brought a hankie up to his eye and began weeping intensely.

"whait... you can die from birthing babies?" I asked, I looked in horror at Cait Jr.. "why didn't anyone tell me this?!"

"we didn't wnt to scare you, Cait," Jenny said. "but now you know. but that's not the worst part."

"IT'S NOT?!"

"no." Jenny looked at Jill and began crying. "Jill... _you_ were that baby who caused Johnny to die mid-birth."

Jill's jaw dropped and she beagn crying loudly. I tried to comfort her but I was too horrified already at my own baby. she calmed down enough to go to her room to cry.

"so... what does this mean for the Beakers?" I asked.

"they might still be up to something," P.T. said. "oif anyone can figure out what, it's you, Cait."

I smiled and hugged the Smiths, then left with Cait Jr.. something just didn't feel right. I knew what I had to do.

it was already dark so I crept up to the door to the Grunt household. I set my baby's baby carroer down on the step. "I'm sorry it had to be this way, Cait Jr.," she said, and kissed her daughter's forehead. "don't worry. General Grunt has always wanted a daughter. he will treat you very well."

my baby... no... General Grunt's baby fell asleep with a smile on her face and I rang the doorbell and hid in the bushes. General Grunt answered the door and said "oh my goodness, it's a baby!" and he brought her inside. I could hear her and General Grunt laughing as they played and bonded. I smiled. my baby would have a good home.

I walked home and opened my journal to figure out what to do about the Beakers. maybe it was time... I finally payed them a visit."


	15. Chapter 15: Olive's Graveyard

Chapter 15: Olive's Graveyard

I walked home from school and passed by this big ranch house. I'd actually never seen it before since moving to Strangetown.

"hmm, I wonder who lives there?" I asked. and walked up to the iron fence. inside was an old lady watering some cactuses. there was a younger girl about my age chilling on the front steps.

"Ophelia, do your aunt a favor and help her water these corpse cacti," the old lady said.

"corpse cacti?" I wondered.

"no," Ophelia said, crossing her arms and looking away with an upsetted look on her face. "I know what you did, Aunt Olive. how could you be so callous?"

"all things must come to an end my dear"

"wow that is really unsettling, I wonder what is going on here?" I wondered, but decided to go home and get some food before really investigating.

at home I ate some cereal, and washed it down with some milk. I did my homework otherwise I'd get a D, then Astral would be taken away (it had already happened and my parents warned be that they would grill me for dinner if it ever happened again!). as I was clearing my dishes AUNT AMANDA came in to gloat over me or something.

"guess what sugarbun?" she asked.

"what is it, you cow?" I retorted.

"we're having a guest over for dinner tonight, _sparkleass,_" she said "so you better be here so the whole family is here to make a good impression!"

"you're having a special guest over?" I asked raising my eyebrow in an uncaring fashion. "how platitudinous of you."

she grimaced at me and attempred to whack me with an already cluttered flyswatter, but everyone knows you have to clean it every once in a while or it won't be effective! (my mom keeps this flyswatter FULL of dead flies its disgusting, i keep telling her "mom you have to clean the dead flies out otherwise you won't be able to swat the live ones!" and she says "you don't understand julysunicorn, they are my prizes." she sees them as like hunting trophies or something! disgusting! I HOPE YOU'RE READING THIS, MOM!) so all she accomplished was cattering dead flies all across the floor.

I called Nervous to come over and he did, and he said "hey Cait, now that we're seeing each other, is it okay if I have you meet my Mom?"

"oh sure of course babe!" I said then stiffened. "wait, you don't mean Circe Beaker do you?!"

"no!" he said and laughed. "my real mom! I'm sure she's love to see you."

"oh okay! that sounds better," I said, thinking and shivering about Circe and her salami-textured hands.

we walked up the street and made a left... up the exact same street I'd walked earlier that morning. I started sweating. "what if Nervous' Mom is Ophelia?" I wondered. "just how young is he?!"

sure enough, we reached the door to the ranch house. Nervous knocked and we waited for two minutes before an ugly, elderly woman answered the door. she had long, saggy breasts that reached her hips. she looked delighted. "Petey!" she said and hugged who I figured was her son, if not grand-nephew.

"Mama!" Petey said, confirming for me that she was indeed his Mom. "I'd like you to meet my girlfriend, Cait!"

"pleasure to meet you, young lady!" she said and went to shake my hand

"the pleasures all - AAAAAAHHHH!" I screamed! she had shocked me with a joy buzzer! the fiend!

"ha ha ha ha ha!" she giggled like an elderly maniac. "the joy buzzer in the handshake trick! gets them every time!"

"ohh, you are so going to get it old woman," I said, cradling my burned hand.

we were escprted inside and were served lunch by Ophelia, the only thing she could make without burning down the house were cold cut sandwiches. so I got to have salami and think about Circe's hands again. great.

after eating I desperately needed some fresh air so I ran outside screaming I had to get out of the house! when I stopped and doubled over panting over my knees, I stood up and looked around slowly. I was... in a graveyard.

"what in P.T.'s delicious grill...?" I said, looking around scaredly...

carefully, I crept through the cemetery and looked at the names on the headstones. Earl E. Demise, Rigger Mortis... then one name caught my attention.

"wait... what?" I said, startled.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY GARDEN?!" shouted _Olive Specter, right behind me._

"AAHH!" I shrieked, falling over onto my butt onto the grave. it read... Lyla Grunt. "oh, uh, Nervous' Mom!" I said, jumping and turning arounf. "y-you have to understand, i-it was an acident..."

"I know you, child. you're the one trying to find out what happened to Johnny Smith." with a wild look in her eyes Olive lifted a shovel into the air. "YOU'RE TRYING TO BRING ME IN ON HIS MURDER!"

"what?! that's ridiculous!" I said. "you didn't kill Johnny, he died while birthing his baby!" "instead, I want to know just what General Grunt's missing wife is doing in _your_ home graveyard! tell me! what did you do to that poor woman?!"

"WELL, NOW YOU'LL FIND OUT, BECAUSE I'M GOING TO UN-BIRTH YOU RIGHT NOW!" Olive shrieked, and hit me with the shovel several times until Cait died.

"Mom whats all the ruckus out here?" Nervous asked then he stopped short and screamed. "CAIT! MOM, HOW COULD YOU?!"

"SHUT UP, SON!" Olive shouted and hit Nervous in the head with the shovel. "MOMMA KNOWS BEST!"

Panicking from inside, Ophelia hastily dialed a number on a skull-encrusted telephone inside the house.

Five minutes later as Olive was digging a grave for Cait the Grim Reaper himself showed up and everyone cheered because he is a fan favorite and an all-around nice skeleton spirit. Olive dropped the shovel.

"Baby!" she said and ran into Grim's arms to give him a kiss.

after their snog Grim looked at Cait's body and their own weeping son and screamed. "OLIVE! WHY DID YOU KILL OUR SON'S GIRLFRIEND?!"

"SHE LEARNED OF MY SECRETS, GRIM!" Olive retorted. she gestured across her hobby graveyard. "SHE WOULD'VE TURNED US IN, WOULD YOU HAVE WANTED THAT TO HAPPEN?!"

"they can't arrest _me,_ I'm the freaken Grim Reaper," he said, using his magic to bring Cait back to life. "as for you, I've always told you I didn't support your methods of seeing me. that's why I gave you the special skullophone to call me whenever you wanted."

"and that's why I finally gave Mr. Reaper a call," said Ophelia, walking up next to him.

"Ophelia! how could you?!" Aunt Olive said, hurt.

"I... I couldn't let the senseless murder continue, Auntie. not anymore."

Cait's body twirled in the air and suddenly she started breathing! she fell to her knees coughing and Nervous ran to me, comforting her and soon she was fine. "I'm... I'm alive!"

"Cait!" Nervous said and hugged me close. "oh, oh Cait..."

aftr Olive was arrested and hauled onto the patty wagon, I turned to Grim and asked, "Mr. Reaper sir, since you were able to bring _me_ back to life, can you resurrect Johnny Smith, too?"

"I'm afraid not, child," he replied, leaning on his scythe. "young Mr. Smith has been dead for too long. the only reason I was able to save you was because I was called immediately."

"oh." I said sadly, and looked at the ground.

Grim set his bony hand on my shoulder and smiled at me. "that's a very sweet thing for you to want to do, though, Ms. Pridemore. you'll do wonderful things in life." he stepped away and began to disappear. "tally ho."

I turned back to look at Lyla's headphone. "how am I going to explain this to General Grunt?"

"as easliy as you can," Nervous said, hugging me. "as easily as you can."

we went home, dinner was halfway done. Aunt Amanda screeched at me from the table. "DARN IT CAITLYN, I TOLD YOU WE WOULD BE HAVING A DINNER GUEST TONIGHT, YOU COULDN'T EVEN COME BAVK ON TIME TO WELCOME HIM!"

"don't get fired up about it, precious. it's okay." said a... familiar voice.

I swallowed. I knew that voice. I walked into the dining toom to see my family and Aunt Amanda seated around another pizza box. but there was someone else at the table.

that someone was General Grunt.

holding hands.

with my evil Aunt Amanda.

"sit down, Cait," said Mom.

shaking, I did as I was told. Nervous moved Astral's high chair over so he could sit down next to me.

"Cait, we have glorious news to tell you," General Grunt said, and smiled at Aunt Amanda. "your Aunt Amanda and I... are getting married!"

"what?!" I said, shocked. if Aunt Amanda married General Grunt... _that would make her the new mother of my child._ "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"


	16. Chapter 16: Aunt Amanda's Wedding

chapter 16: Aunt Amanda's Wedding

so Aunt Amanda was to be wed to my Genreal Grunt in MY backyard. and my family smiled and cheered for her and congratulated them, and then I was forced to become her assistant for the entire month until her wedding. I even missed prom because I was forced to wait on her hand and foot.

"lif is so unfair" I said as I was forced to paint Aunt Amanda's toenails with my own nail polish. she laughed at me.

we arranged the wedding to be in our own bakcyard and I argued because I didn't want it there! she didn't even life here! but my parents paid the bills so they had the final say. it wasn't enough that I was the one who fought off the telemarketers and solicitors and burglars who tried to rob my parents of their fortune by standing on the widows walk with my crossbow, I just had to deal with Aunt Amanda having her shndig in MY backyard.

"UGH I HATE EVERYONE!" I screeamed and knocked the fridge over. Astral's lip quivered but I picked him up. "except you, Astral. you're wonderful. so is Nervous."

Nervous kissed my cheek and got the wedding cake out of the oven. after letting it cool he frosted it and it looked lovely. unfortunately Aunt Amanda had made darn sure it was bigger and had more frosting than Nervous' and my cake, so she could brag that hers was better. well, we all know she only loved General Grunt for his money, so at least Nervous' and my love was REAL.

"Cait! Nervous! hurry up with that wedding cake!" Mom called from the sliding door. "the wedding's almost started!"

"coming Mom" I said and set Astral down so he could walk outside, he was the ring bear so he had to get out there. "are you ready, Nervous?"

"as ready as I'll ever be. your Aunt is a bitch." he said and took my hand.

"no... just misunderstood" I said and sighed.

we walked outside it was lovely and grassy since P.T. helped us plant grass in the bakcyard so it looked nice. he was also playing on his portable piano for the ceremony but he was playing alien music on his portable piano so I didn't recognize the music he was playing on his portable piano. but thats okay at least I could still enjoy it unlike Aunt Amanda, who yelled at him that she didn't like his ugly foreign music.

"it's not just foriehn, it's **out of this world,**" said Nervous but Aunt Amanda smacked him with her purse.

"talk about a bridezilla," I said but Aumt Amanda thus pulled my hair.

we got in potision and since General Grunt was of Russian descent they got a Rasputin impersonator to perform the wedding. his beard looked so real, so authentic! I was truly impressed with General Grunt's choice, not Aunt Amanda's though for obvious reasons.

but then I saw my little baby in General Grunt's arms. my innocent little baby girl, I never imagined he would marry Aunt Amanda, now I had handed her off to the worst woman in the world.

"General Buzz Grunt, you may now hand the baby to your wife, but before you do so, if there is anyone who thinks these two should not be wed, speak now or forever hodl your peace?" said Rasputin.

I looked at my baby who was about to be handed to Aunt Amanda. I couldn't do it. couldn't stand to see her future hurt and molded by evil Aunt Amanda. I jumped out of my seat.

"STOP!" I shouted. everyone looked at me. Aunt Amanda glared at me, her witch hands nearly clasped around my offspring. "General Grunt's baby... IS MINE!"

everyone gasped and one woman fainted. my parents whipped around. "Cait! you got pregnant and had a baby without telling us?!"

"it was my fault," Nervous said, standing sadly but he stood up for me. :I got her pregnant in Veronaville, when you were visiting your relatives. I slept with her in the sleeping bag, naked. I fertilized your daughter. and Now it is returning to haunt us, because it was at her Aunt Amanda's house."

Dad screamed, and fainted and fell out of the plastic patio chair. Mom cried into her hands, but told me it was okay. General Grunt patted me on the shoulder.

"well, what about MY wedding?!" Aunt Amanda demanded. "I am waiting here in a low-cut dress with a leg slit and its 100 degrees outside I'm cooking over here let's just kiss and get this over with alright Buzz hand me the baby!" Aunt Amanda demanded.

"but, she just said the baby was hers? and I have adopted her," Genreal Grunt said.  
"well, that brat is going to be mine now, so HAND HER OVER!"Aunt Amanda reached out to yank the tiny baby from General Grunt!

"NO WAY!" he shouted and held Cait Jr. close. "YPOU ARE NOT GOING TO LAY A HAND ON MY PRECIOUS BABY GIRL!"

"but... what about the wedding?!" she argued

"THE WEDDING IS OFF! I'm sorry Amanda, but I need all your family to be okay with us marrying, and if Cait isn't happy, I can't go through with this." he gave me a hug. "see you later, Cait. have a good day."

"you too General Grunt see you soon."

he left with my baby and Aunt Amanda looked desperately at the Rasputin impersonator. "can't you still perform the wedding?"

"ma'am, that's not really possible if there's no willing groom," he broke to her.

she sighed in unhappiness and nearly began crying, but Rasputin held her hands in his. "but listen. standing here in this lovely backyard with you has made me realize just what a beautiful woman you are. your poise and voice are so heavenly and beautiful. Amanda... will you marry me?"

Aunt Amanda was shocked, then happy. "yes, yes I will!"

so Rasputin conducted the wedding for both of them instead and they kissed, then went off on their honeymoon. then came back, and made woohoo in my bed. but I was downstairs at the reception and prom we were holding at my house since I missed the one at my house, so it wasn't like I was already in bed and they pushed me out while they were made woohoo.

well, thank goodness that madness is finally over," Nervous said before knocking back the rest of his punch.

"you can say that again," I said leaning my head on his shoulder.

"it was really sweet of you to give Cait Jr. to General Grunt. I think he'll be a really great and loving Dad." said Nervous.

"yeah, I think so too," I said.

he turned to me and smiled. "care to dance?"

I smiled back. "oh, Mr. Beaker, I would love to!"

so we walked into the middle of the floor and slow danced to Jenny Smith's (the Smiths were also invited) record of Hotel California, but it was slowed down for this dance. hearing it reminded her of her Johnny, and she cried, but P.T. comforted her and they hugged each other. my parents danced for the first time in years. Aunt Amanda bounced Astral to the music and he giggled. I rested my head on Nervous' shoulder as we danced and we closed our eyes, so happy to have some peace right now after everything that had happened since I moved to this crazy town.

little did we know that peace wasn't going to last.


	17. Chapter 17: Beakerhead

umm... things get a little more mature in this chapter... still falls unter T rating though i think.

Chapter 17: Beakerhead

"UNGH NERVOUS THATS THE SPOT!" I shouted Nervous and I were mading woohoo in my bed after Aunt Amanda and the Rasputin went to sleep.

soon the fireworks erupted over us and we cuddled together exhausted and whispered so as not to wake the newly married couple. "wow, Cait, I don't know anyone whos as good at woohoo as you are."

my eyes bugged out. "wait, weren't you a virgin before we met?"

"oh yeah, but I still bet you're the best in the world."

"aw, thank you."

I gave him a kiss on his sharp, pointed nose and fell asleep against his bare meaty chest. he ran his fingres through my hair and thought to himself, "wow, my life is so perfect now. I have a beautiful wife/girlfriend and I'm finally getting straight As in school. can life get any better?"

little did he know... it was all going to come crashing down sooner than he expected.

the next day the Pridemores had a pool party. all the neighbors were there: the Grunts, the Smiths, Ophelia, Grim, and of Course Aunt Amanda and her Rasputin. even though they weren't neighbors; but they were still living with the Pridemores so of course they were there.

the house didn't have a pool when they got it so they had to install a pool and it was originally filled with water like all pools are but in the Searing Strangetown summer heat the water boiled under the hot hot sun so for the pool party they had to drain it and fill it with grape jelly instead. people were complaining that it was sticky but Mr. Pridemore said did you want to be cooked like lobsters instead?! they understood and enjoyed the party after that and also said the jelly tasted really good, I couldn't tell if they said that because they were intimidated though.

little Buck Grunt, General Grunt's youngest son, tossed a poul ball over to Jill, they were playing in the jelly. Buck was also sampling the jelly a lot and his father had to tell him that it was rude to eat from someone else's jelly pool, he could have some jelly when they got home. I thought it was fine but General Grunt was his father so.

then suddenly without warning a shadow fell across the kids! they looked up along with everyone else to see a GIANT ROBOTIC SUIT standing over our backyard!

"EVERYBODY, RUN!" General Grunt cried and he took out his machine gun and started shooting the robit.

BUT IT WAS BULLETPROF.

I started running with Nervous and my family but heard a cry of help I'm stuck! I looked back to the pool; Buck was struggling to get out the jelly had thickened in the heat and trapped him he looked like a worm stuck halfway out of the ground!

"oh no! Buck!" I cried and went to go save him.

"NO, CAIT!" Mom cried. "IT'S TOO DANGEROUS! YOU HAVE TO RIUN!"

"I CANNOT LEAVE A STRANDED CHILD, MOTHER!" I retorted and ran back to the pool where little Buck Grunt was stuck! I grabbed onto him "don't worry Buck Ive got you!"

"AAAAAHHHHH!" the child screamed because he was scared. I couldn't leave him here. I couldn't leave the older brother of my child.

then suddenly the robot suit brought its foot up into the air. "no no no no no!" I heard a voice say. I looked down.

that voice was General Grunt.

and the robot stepped on him.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" I screeched, holding Buck close and turning him away from the scene. "NOT THE FATHER OF MY BABY!"

I couldn't handle it. Cait Jr. was an orphan now. I let Buck go and told him to run, then ran ver to the robot. "COME GET SOME!" I shouted and started punching the robot in the foot. it toppled over, then got back up and picked me up in its big metal claw hand.

"let go of me you bucket of bolts!" I snapped. "what are you going to do, climb the Empire State Building and wave me around?!"

then suddenly a round hole opened up in its hand and I was sucked in and into the robot itself! I hit the floor and was dazed for a moment before I looked up. Loki Beaker was standing next to a swivel chair at the controls!

"well, well. we finally meet again, Caitlyn Pridemore." said Loki. then the chair turned around to reaveal his wife Circe, who was eating chicken thighs. uncooked chicken thighs. "we've awaited this moment for so darn long." she said before ripping another piece off.

"wh-what's going on whats happening?!" I said shimmying across the floor to the back of the control room. "what do you two want with me what are you doing?!"

"you've been meddling in our affairs, Pridemore. we know you're onto us about the roach flu. so we're here to cut you out of the pie once and for all." barked Loki.

"I won't go down without a fight," I said angrily getting to my feet. "you've killed so many people with your selfish acts. Johnny Smith being only one of them. only you didn't kill him, he died of birthing a baby. but you've killed other people. why did you do it?"

Loki laughed like a bird on a sugar rush. "why did we do it? why not? this neighborhood is ours for the taking."

"we wanted to test a new highly-advanced strain of unfluenza and Strangetown was the perfect spot," said Circe, then she took another bite of thigh. "you weren't supposed to get involved."

"hau coud I not get infolfed whn you were killing the entare neighbarhoud?!" i trued to argued.

I growled and lunged for Circe and attempted to wring her neck but all I succeeded in doing was knocking the styrofoam platter full of chicken thighs straight from the grovery store no cooking whatsoever she just dove right into those things I'm tellin ya! knockedthe sytrofoam platter off her lap and chicken thighs and chicken juice went all across the console and floor. Circe and I were frozen in shock I stood up I was covered in chicken juice, it was ice cold and soaking through my jeans.

"ew gross!" I said, then looked at Circe, she looked ready to murder somebody. "uh, Circe, look, it was an accident, I"

"YOU GOT CHICKEN ALL OVER THE ROBOT!" she screamed.

"WELL IF YOU WERE SO WORRIED ABOUT THE ROBOT WHY DID YOU BRING RAW CHICKEN INSIDE IN THE FIRST PLACE?!" I argued.

she lunged for me and knocked me over sat on top of me pulled my sandal off and used tweezers to pull my big toenail off "OWWWWW!" I screeched.

"THIS WILL TEACH YOU TO SPILL MY FOOD!" Circe countered. "AND WHEN ALL YOUR TOENAILS ARE OFF, I'LL GO AFTER YOUR FINGERNAILS. AND WHEN ALL YOUR FINGERNAILS ARE OFF, I'LL THROW YOU OUT OF THE ROBOT AND STEP ON YOU AND USE YOUR BONES TO MAKE TOOTHPICKS!"

"uh, Circe," Loki said, getting a little frekaed out, "she's just a kid..."

"I AM NOT A KID!" I screamed. "I AM 18!"

Circe got upset even more and picked up Cait and broke her back over her knee. "YOWWWWWWWWW!" Cait screamed.

"CIRCE, NO!" Loki shouted and tried to pry his wife's salami hands off Cait but she was too salami-handed and it was impossible. then he did it. "Circe, you're really scaring me here!"

Circe looked into her husabnd's eyes. "oh, Loki... I'm sorry. I love you."

she dropped me onto the floor and all I could do was lay three and watch as they made woohoo in the control seat. watching me the whole time. a few tears fell from my eye and onto the floor. so, this was what my life was now?

"HANDS IN THE AIR, BEAKERS!"

my back was broken but I managed to look in the direction of the voice, I knew that voice, the power of love helped me look at the owner of that voice. the power of our love also stopped Loki and Circe in the middle of their woohoo to look at who it was.

standing in the door way to the elevator out of the robot, gun in his hand and angry yet determined and confident look on his face, was my Nervous.

my Petey.

"get your johnsonville brat out of your wife's disgusting meat plant and out of my wife's field of vision, or I'll rip it off with a barbed boxing glove and cram in in the deserts of Albuquerque." warned Nervous.

scared, Loki slowly stood and zipped his pantd. Circe also stood and zipped her pants as well and they put their hands in the air.

"I'm not your test subject anymore," Nervous said angrily. "I'm not the lab rat you can infect and medicate at will and impregnate for fun and then toss me into my room to cry and hug my soccerball for comfort. I am a human beung and you do not own me." he looked down to smile at me. tears rolles down his cheeks. "Cait finally showed me what love is. what it's like to feel loved. what life is really about. and I want to spend the rest of mine with her." he glared up at his adoptive parentz "and I won't let you hurt her."

"Nervous, please," Loki said scared, "we-we won't hurt either of you anymore! just take the gun and your girlfirend and leave!"

Nervous smirked. "she's not my girlfriend." then he pistol whoipped Loki across his low-hanging brow. "SHE'S MY WIFE."

Nervous pistol whipped the console and sparks shot frm the console all over Circe cooking her to a crisp it cooked the chicken too Nervous picked up Cait and said "hang on baby, we're almost out of here," and I said, "I love you, Nervous."

"I lvoe you, too," he said before my vision went black. and I could hear him crying in fear.

when i could see again, i was sitting at a big table in a big, white room. at every place setting was a plate with a cheese omelette on it. at the opposite end of the table was Johnny Smith.

"Johnny!" I said, excited to see him again, I hadn't seen him since my breakdown in the girls' bathroom in case you forgot. "wait... where am I? you're here, so that must mean..."

he nodded his head. "you are in the afterlife, Cait."

"oh." I said, looking around. "I'll be honest, you're not the person I expected to see first here."

he smiled. "you might be dead, Cait, but it's not your time yet. you will be sent back to life once I finish talking to you."

"oh? what did you need to talk about Johnny?"

"please. call me Johnward," he said, giving me a big friendly smile. "you've earned it, kiddo."

"okay, Johnward," I said returning the smile, it must've been a high honor, I mean would you want people calling you by your whole name if you were named Johnward? I greatly felt appreciated it. "only if you call me Caitlyn."

"I'd had my suspicions from the beginning, Caitlyn," he said. "I tried to ask my parents, but unfortunately, I died before I could finish my question. you see, we didn't always live on this planet."

"you didn't?! well I mean I knew P.T. was an extortrestrial but I thought you and Jill were born on Earth?"

"_Jill_ was. I was born somewhere else." Johnny sighed as he began to recount the story. "I was, and my younger sister..."


	18. Chapter 18: ExtrasiblingExtraterrestrial

Chapter 18: Extrasibling Extraterrestrial

little Johnward Patrick Kenneth Quincy Pollination Technician's #9 Smith Drone Designation #4054 sat hugging his knees in his parents' prison quarters on board the prison ship. his ridiculously long name designated him a freak of nature, half alien and half human, something that shouldn't have existed? yet through the mysterious world of gametes he was somehow exist.

beside him came a scared cry from under some rag blankets their Mom stitched together for them out of whatever dirty clothes she could steal from the laundry sector. Johnny looked pitifully at the pile.

"come on out Kaiphdroide, its okay. big bro is here." he said and held his arm out. the little half-alien girl slowly scurried over to her brother while still wrapped in the blanket for warmth mind you her body was different because she was hybrid so she needed warmth all the time this place was freezing. scaredly, she looked up at her brother with large, blue eyes. "are mother unit and father unit to be back soon?"

"yeah, don't worry," Johnny said brushing a few blond hairs out of her face. "they won't leave us."

the door opened an in stepped P.T. a gurad threw him in because he was done with his shift in the mines. "get in, nincompoop."

"Papa!" Johnny cried, Kaiphdroide was too scared and young to formulate coherent sentences so she stayed shivering and scared in the room. Johnny rushed to his father's side, who was laying on the ground exhausted. he glared up at the guard. "don't hurt him, you've done enough!"

"the whippet dares talk back to me?!" the guard said then whacked Johnny across the jaw with his stun gun. "be silent you abhorrent freak of nature!"!

the guard left and Johnny was alone with his unconscious father and scared sister. this situation was not unfamiliar to him and he dragged P.T. to a cot in the room for him to recuperate. then he cooked a can of beans for Kaiphdoidre and fed her then got her ready for bed. then Jenny was returned to their cell.

"Mama!" Kaiphdroide cried as she ran to her designated female parental unit and gave her a hug.

"hello there, young one," said Jenny, her face was covered in dirt and she was pale but smiled to see her offsprong.

"are you okay, Mama?" asked Johnny, he was worried, for he knew his Mom was pregantn.

"yes, Johnward, I'm alright," said Jenny and she sat down on a cot. "I'm just a little tired." then she screamed out loud because she saw P.T. was unconscious.

"don't worry Mama he'll be okay!" cried Johnny and his Mother understood.

a few hours later a guard came bearing a tray of slop. "dinnertime," he said angrily and threw it into their cell but it splattered all across the floor. "oups," he said, then started laughing.

"you fiend!" said P.T. he was awake now after all. "we have chuldren here they need food to eat!"

"well, maybe you should've thought about that before _making disgusting halfbreeds_ with your vile mate," said the guard.

that was it. little Kaiphdroide screamed some sort of alien war cry and latched onto the guard, sinking her teeth into his arm. "OWWWW!" he cried. he tried to pry her off but it ain't workin. finally he ran over to the garbage disposal, it was an airlock that would sent refuse out into space!

"KAIPHY! NOOOOOOOOOOO!" Jenny and P.T. cried _but it was too late._ the guard sent their only living daughter into space.

"Mama?" she asked before plummeting down to a nearby blue and green planet... a planet known as... _Earth._

_P.T. couldn't handle his family being abused like this any mor. with a mighty yell, he uppercutted the guard and stole his stun gun but knocked him out before he stole said stungun, and led his family and the other imprisoned aliens through _a mighty rebellion. the aliens fought hard against their imprisoners and despite many many many casualties along the way they gained control of the ship and brought peace to their race. after the war, P.T. and Jenny piloted the ship down to Earth, trying to follow the energy trail of their Kaiphdroid but could only track her as far as the Earth town of Strangetown, and were forced to giveup the search. four Earth months later Jenny gave birth to their new daughter, Jill, but they never forgot about Kaiphdroide, but couldn't mourn her or keep any keepsakes of her just in case the aliens ever came back to find them.

* * *

Cait blinked as the flashback from Johnny's mind ended in her mind. "whoa... Johnny... I'm so sorry you and the Smiths had to go through that."

"it wasn't just us." said Johnny. "do you know what happened to Kaiphdroide, my sister?"

"...no."

"Cait..." he said, smiling as tears rolled down his cheeks, "_you_ are Kaiphdroide."

I jumped. "wait... _WHAT?!_" I asked I was startled.

Johnny walked over to me and set his hands on my temples. "you likely have amnesia from the incident... but maybe I can clear it up for you."

suddenly I had a flashback to my own childhood, I crash landed in Strangetown and was taken in by the local orphanage. I'd lost all my memory since my brain had cooked in Earth's atmosphere. I was sent to the orphanage and remained there until I was adopted by my Mom and Dad. I'd even forgotten that, while living at said orphanage, I met Petey for a brief time, I gave him a flower on the playground because he was crying all alone. then the Pridemores were on a business trip in the area, they decided to adopt a child while in town. and they chose me, because I was the loneliest out of all of them.

Johnny removed his fingers from my temples and I was shocked back to rality. I gasped trying to catch my breath.

"I... I am alien..." I said.

Johnny explained. "when I saw you over for dinner, I knew I had to test you to be true. I knew that if you could stop the Beakers, you really were my long lost sister."

"whoa..." I said, surprised. "Johnny... I'm sorry I said you almost met my turn-ons."

"that's okay," he said laughing, "I was kind of creeped out but you didn't know we were related at the time so it's okay. also the same thing happens all the time with our half sisters Chloe and Lola."

"wow!" I said. "this means I have a bigger family than I ever knew! I can't wait to meet all of them!"

"well, you'll be heading back right now," said Johnny, stepping backward. "you've got a world to save. take care, Cait."

"oh, Johnny!" I said and hugged him tightly. "I love you, big brother!"

he hugged me back, and cried down my shoulder. "I love you too, Kai- Cait. be safe."

"see you again, someday," I said as I faded out of the afterlife and back to life.

I slowly started to wake up because I heard a faraway voice say, "Cait? Cait?! oh, no... please, Cait! come back to me!"

I opened my eyes to see Petey give a massive sigh of relief, he was also crying. "oh, thank goodness... I thought I'd lost you!"

"what... what happened... to the Beakers..." I asked weakly.

"they're on the patty wagon, headed for the same place as my Mom," said Nervous. "but... but Cait..."

slowly I sat up and looked at myself. my legs had been blown off in the fall. all that was left were two ragged stumps "oh, no... my legs..."

"it's okay, Cait," Nervous said. "we'll get you a pair of robotic legs and you can walk again, I promise."

Nervous helped me up and I took in the scene. the Beakers were cryinng inside the patty wagon, I could hear the officers saying they would probably receive the death penalty by forced exposure to their own advanced influenza. serves them right. Uncle Rasputin was crying intp Aunt amanda's shoulder. Mom and Dad were crying on each others' shoulders too. Astral was crying. The Grunts were hugging each other, grateful to have each other but Cait Jr. was crying because General Grunt was still dead. the giant robot was stanidgn nearby, it was powered of.

Petey and I walked over to Grim who was horrified as he took in the scene. "excuse me Mr. Reaper, could you please bring back General Grunt? he is the only parent my baby has," I pled.

"well, okay, but only for you, Cait." said the Grim Reaper and he resurrected the Genreal. General Grunt thanked us both and hugged his children. and Cait Jr. hugged his neck giggling in happiness.

next I stumbled over to the Smiths with Petey's help. "P.T... Jenny... I have something to tell you."

"yes, Cait?" they asled.

"I saw Johnny in the afterlife." they gasped, eager to know more. "actually, I've been seeing him since I stayed over that night at your house. he helped us take down the Beakers. and... he told me something..." I started crying. "I... I'm your Kaiphdroide."

P.T. and Jenny looked at each other in shock before turno=ing to look me over again. they examined my face, my hair, my features. after a minute, they cried in happiness and tears and gathered me up into their arms.

"_our precious baby girl!_" jenny cried. "_we thought we'd lost you forever!_"

I cried in my parents' arms. my adoptive parents watched from afar, happy to see that I finally found my birth family.

"well, now that we've been reunited and that chapter is over," P.T. said, "what are we going to do with this giant robot?!" asked P.T..

"maybe we can use the legs to make new ones for Cait?" suggested Petey.

"no way, theyr'e too big!" I said.

"no one's dismantling that robot!" called a voice.

we all turned around. a boy was walking over, he was wearing shorts with suspenders and a striped tie he looked like a total geek, and his lips were pursed he looked mad and his head was shaped like a balloon about to pop. "this is _my _giant robot suit, the Beakers stole it from me to go after you!"

"oh, I am sorry," I said but he pointed at me!

"shut it! I'm taking my robot and getting out of this sandy dump!" the boy said and entered through the foot to ride the elevator and pilote the robotic suit. "ugh! there's chicken juice all over everything!" he cried over the intercom.

"sorry, that's my fault," I called up, embarrassed

"whatever" he said and began walking the robot suit out of town. "see you in backwater burgurville, jerks! HA HA HA! HA HA HA HA HA!" laughed the boy as he walked the robot away. as he left town he stepped on the minimart and destroyed it, but that's okay, no one liked shopping there anyway.

after watching him leave, Nervous hugged me tightly. "well, it looks like we won!"

"seems like it," I said, and kissed him.

"Cait, he said, "I cannot imagine a life without you... will you marry me?"

"but Nervous!" I said laughing, "we're already married!"

"I mean let's get married again, some people do that"

"haha!" I laughed, but cradled his face. "honeybun, we can do whatever you want... _whatever you want..._ but can I please get some legs first?"

everyone laughed in the Strangetown sun.


	19. Chapter 19: Epilogue

omg its the final chapter everybody! :D i've been working lik emad to get it all typo'd out i might've missed some, sorry about that. hope you liked reading one of my earlier stories! i'm personally not a huge fan of it even less now honestly now that ive reread it it needs a buttload of work but maybe someone out there will enjoy it. hope you have a wonderful day and see you next time! c:

Chapter 19: Epilogue

I sat by the fireplace, and Nervous acme by and draped a blanket over me and my stumps. I smiled at him. he was such a good husband.

he squatted down next to me by the flames and kissed my hand. "Dr. Roennigke says she can do the surgery next week. she has a donor so you'll be able to walk again."

"I'm so happy to hear that," I said and closed my eyes. Nervous picked me up and held me close in his lap. it was easier to do so while I didn't have legs so he took advantage of being able to hold me so easily while he still could.

I'd left my old family behind and lived with the Smiths for a little while, relearning my alien culture before Nervous and I grauated high school and bought our own house in - you guessed it - Downtown Pleasantview. so now I was finally back home.

Aunt Amanda and Rasputin were living happily on a tropical island full of palm trees and oranges. the rest of my family joined them and they even brought Great Grandaunt's urn with them so the whole family is really there. Aunt Amanda still whacks my cousins when trhey say something she doesn't like though the witch!

General Grunt got married to Vidcund Curious, they fell in love when Vidcund was lamenting over having his heart broken then saw General Grunt sunbathing in the sun and thought he was the prettiest thing in the world. so they are an item now! I couldn't be happier that our baby has two beautiful loving fathers.

Pascal suddenly gave birth as soon as I left town, turns out he was pregnant all along. he had a son named Tycho. Laxlo was so scared by what he witnessed when his brother gave birth in the kitchen that he went to go live with the Smiths. and speaking of...

the Smiths are happy again, Jill is doing well in school, and P.T. and Jenny are finally at ease knowing their son is in a happier place and I'm safe and sound. P.T. passed away of old age the day after I left for Downtown Pleasantview, and I was very sad. he still comes out of his urn to scare Jill though.

Ophelia now runs a historical cemetery right out of her own bsckyard!

after I told General Grunt about how his wife was buried in Olive's yard, he didn't believe me at first, then looked and grieved over his wife's headstone he believed me then. we had a proper burial and her remains were moved to an urn in the Grunt's house and the boys are finally moving on.

the Beakers were arrested and died in prison, but before they died they sent a letter to me saying they'd get back at me someday... kind of hard to do that as ghosts but we have the local church on speeddial in case anything happens so.

I caressed Nervous' face then caressed my swollen uterus. after moving here, Nervous and I made woohoo in the river and nwo I was pregnant again. it was going to be a girl and we were so excited! we were going to name her Jeraldine so Nervous could have a child named Jerry like he's always wanted. we would never forget Cait Jr. but she wasn't our daughter anymore, she was in better hands.

and we... were in each others'.

so ends my story in Strangetown, my quest to bring peace to Johnny's ghost, but our new adventure was just beginning. who knew where the future would take us?

THE END


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